


The Lives they Lead (Gone Astray)

by Abyssia



Category: Hakuouki
Genre: Defying Fate, F/M, Historical, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-23
Updated: 2015-06-26
Packaged: 2018-03-25 09:23:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 30,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3805192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Abyssia/pseuds/Abyssia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The paths they chose, the paths that lead them from their homes; the winding wandering dangerous road, that brought the two to meeting.<br/>A captain of the Shinsengumi, and a young waitress on the run.<br/>Meeting in the capitol, in the darkest times.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

 

 

 

The year is 1864, Japan is in a state of political and social unrest. The growing threat of outside nations puts strain on the already volatile balance between the regimes among the Japanese domains. In a time when the swords of samurai families did nothing but collect dust, a band of unconventional warriors took up arms to aide the people in the face of growing calamities.  
The flag of sincerity.

誠

The heartfelt belief that no warrior should be judged by his birthright alone,  
but by his skill with a sword.

They are the Shinsengumi.  
They flew the flag of sincerity,  
for everyone across Japan.  
Commoner, noble, merchant or bushi.  
All deserve to live.

 

 


	2. Glosarry of Terms

**Glossary of Terms**

Edo- An old name for Tōkyō.  
Bakufu- Military government of the Edo Era, also known as the Shogunate  
Chōshu Domain- One of the most powerful domains of the Edo Era. Known for their allegiance to the Emperor, they were allowed to gain inordinate strength due to the fact that they opposed the Bakufu originally and thus were given many privileges.  
Satsuma Domain- Another extremely powerful domain that eventually worked together with the Chōshu in rebellion.  
Aizu Domain- A domain loyal to the Bakufu. Known for their large and effectively westernized fighting forces.  
Daimyō- The feudal lord of a domain or an extremely high-ranking officer in direct service of the Shogun. Daimyō were required to spend half the year in Kyōto away from their family and armies as a means to suppress uprising.  
Bushi- The name for the samurai class in the Edo caste system. Japan at the time did not have a standing military. Those born into the bushi class were expected to protect the people and fight for their domains in times of need.  
Rōnin- Samurai who have left their masters, usually restorting to mercenary work or extortion in order to survive.  
Shinsengumi- A special police force that originated as a group of farmers, merchants and rōnin who banded together with the dream of becoming true Bushi. They eventually became sponsored by the Aizu and were allowed to patrol Kyōto.  
Katana- A standard-size sword worn by samurai.  
Wakizashi- A shorter blade usually paired with a katana. Wearing the two swords was a symbol of official Bushi status.  
Tantō- An even shorter blade between 6 and 12 inches. Exclusively held by Bushi, sometimes an alternative to a wakizashi.  
Kaiken- A dagger shorter than 6 inches. A blade commonly held by women of the samurai class. Both as a symbol of her status, and as a means of protection. Also to be used if she must commit honorable suicide.  
Ojou-san- A term of respect for young women, especially the daughters of noblemen.   
Oiran- A highly trained and extravagant courtesan of the red-light districts. Ascending the ranks came with long years of grueling training as well as many privileges. Oiran became increasingly known for selling far more than just their bodies.  
Geisha- A strictly entertainment-based profession that broke away from Oiran culture. At the time, Geisha still engaged in prostitution but mostly provided music for the Oiran's dances.  
Tenchō- Manager of a store.  
Kosode- A type of kimono robe with shorter sleeves, worn as an undergarment or regular garment.  
Haori- A kimono over-coat that usually only goes to the mid-thighs.  
Tasuki- A white strip of cloth or length of cord that is tied in a particular way to keep kimono sleeves out of the way of one's work.  
San- An honorific suffix used to show respect. The default suffix when addressing strangers or superiors.  
Han- San in the Kyōto dialect.   
Kun- A less formal suffix used for typically male subordinates or companions. Used to address females in superior-subordinate relationships or among close friends.  
Chan- A diminuitive suffix used for girls or young children. Common among friends, equals or lovers.  
Sama- The equivalent of Mr./Mrs as an honorific suffix.   
Dono- Even higher than -sama, this honorific is reserved for people such as priests, doctors or other highly educated individuals.  
Sensei- A suffix used for teachers or trained professionals. (doctors, artists, authors etc.)  
Geta- Traditional japanese platform sandals.  
Okobo- Extremly tall platform sandals used by Geisha and Oiran.  
Obi- The ornate sash used to secure a kimono.

 


	3. Meeting

Chapter 1  
_May 1864_

It was dangerous to walk the streets of Kyōto alone and she knew this very well. It was a time when rōnin had become rampant. The government seemingly helpless to respond. A woman like her, however, had no buisness worrying over the matters of men. While the true threat lay outside of Japan, the lords within could not agree with how to respond. The Imperial court urged action against the foreigners, while the Bakufu seemed to be merely sitting around doing nothing. Lordless samurai terrorized the villagers in the name of their troubled nation. Even while the peace of the Edo Era remained, the fear blanketing the streets of Kyōto spoke to the opposite.

"Hey there, aren't you a pretty one." The stench of alcohol spoke even louder than his slurred words. "What's up with this hair? You put it up in the dark or somthin'?" She winced as he reached for her hair, jerking to the side to avoid him.

"Please leave me alone." She said in as commanding of a tone as she could manage.

One of his buddies spoke up. "Hey no need t' be so rude. He's just complimentin' you. Ya can at least act grateful."

She scoffed. "What? Should I be grateful for being the target of some filthy drunks?"

"What did you say?" The man bellowed, reaching for her hair again, this time to take hold. But her hands were quicker. Her fingers were there in an instant, prepared to weild the hair sticks as a weapon if necessary.

But before she knew it, there was a body blocking her from her harassers.

"What are ya deaf? The lady said to leave her alone!"

"Tch, the hell do you think--" Whatever reply he had was cut off by the man reaching for his swords.

"Uh-- We're sorry! We didn't mean to trouble!" With hardly a second thought, the drunk idiots scattered, leaving the stranger cursing after them.

"Seriously, what is with people these days..." The man grimaced, running a hand through his short wild hair. "Hey. Miss, you alright?"

Kayu gave a nod. "Thank you for helping me." she said with a small stiff bow.  
  
Shinpachi put up his hands. "Hey, no need to thank me I--" he seemed to suddenly lose his nerve when she made eye brief contact with him.  
  
It took her but a moment to collect herself. She gave one last nod of thanks before continuing on her way.  
  
Shinpachi reached after her before he slumped foreword in defeat. He sulked for a moment before his companions joined him.  
  
"What's the long face for? Ya did fine." Sanosuke leaned up against his friends shoulder.  
  
"Don't torture me Sano. I didn't even get her name, did you see me? I totally choked!"  
  
Sanosuke chuckled, "Yeah, she sure is a beauty. Make any guy lose his nerve."  
  
"She didn't make you lose your nerve." Shinpachi muttered.  
  
He pondered for a moment. "The girl looks familiar...Doesn't she work at that teahouse Shirodama?"  
  
Shinpachi shrugged. "Beats me."  
  
"Well, let's just see. There are a bunch of teahouses up ahead. With looks like that, she has to work at one of them."  
He beckoned to the others behind him. "C'mon! It may not be Shimabara but the food's not bad!"  
  
"Alright!" Heisuke exclaimed. "Nothing beats a good meal after patrol!" Sano replied with an affectionate chuckle. "Well, then we have no time to waste." He said with a smirk, slapping Shinpachi on the shoulder as he passed.  
  
"Easy for you to say." Shinpachi grumbled, following his friend.

•••

  
By the time she arrived, the business day was in full swing.  
  
"Kayu, what are you doing!? You're late!" The woman's lips pressed into a thin line.  
  
"I-I'm sorry, Tenchou!"  
  
Her manager tisked. "Don't waste your time bowing. Get in there all ready."  
  
Kayu nodded and took a step into the fray. In the crowded shop, Kayu's feet moved carefully over the worn tatami. The geta that she wore giving her a distinct air of class and poise. With the way she walked, she might as well have been wearing a Geisha's set of okubo.  
  
As usual, the male customers around her made rowdy comments as she passed. She closed her eyes for a short moment, choosing to ignore them. She smiled, choosing to address her current customers as they took their seats.  
  
"Welcome to Shirodama, I will be your server today. " She smiled carefully at her table. Half a dozen or so men all with katana and wakizashi at their hips. They looked familiar, but she willed herself to keep her professional poise.  
  
"Thank you. If it's all the same to you, we'll just go ahead and get our usual," One of them said with a gentle smile, "Right Shinpachi?" He elbowed his friend suddenly, breaking him out of his daze.  
  
"Huh? What? Y-yeah." It was the man who had helped her earlier. The same wild hair and somewhat awkward demeanor. He seemed to have been staring at her again. While she was far from unused to such attentions, she couldn't help but notice how this Shinpachi reacted so shyly and honestly. He blushed and was suddenly unable to look her directly in the eye.  
  
"Very well, I'll let the chef know."  
  
"Just tell him that it's Harada's party."  
  
Kayu nodded and quickly returned to the kitchens and gave them their order. It took her a few moments to remember why he looked so familiar even though she had seen him just before in the street.

  
_He...helped me..._

  
Her thoughts were cut off by the sound of the door chimes. Kayu, being the closest to the door at that moment, turned to greet the new customers. "Irashaimase--" she could almost feel the blood drain from her face. The emblems adorning their uniforms could mean only one thing.

  
_Satsuma soldiers._

  
The young waitress wasn't the only one to take notice. While soldiers of all domains were common customers, they hardly ever arrived in full military dress.  
Such a sight caught the attention of several other customers  
  
"Oi," a man pointed, eyeing the men warily. "What, is their Daimyō around?"  
  
"I heard that some big shot's daughter went missin' or something."

"What, she get kidnapped?"  
  
"Nah, she ran away from a marriage or somethin'."  
  
Kayu took that opportunity to walk to their table and interrupt them with a polite bow. "Can I get you any more drinks sirs?" She held up her saké pitcher with a tilt of her head.  
  
"Y-yes, miss." Whether his blush was from embarrassment or attraction, she didn't care. She could only pray that the Satsuma men were off duty, and that they were not in fact pursuing the aforementioned princess.  
  
She was suddenly interrupted by a sharp tap on her shoulder.  
  
"You girl, what's your name?"  
  
It took her but a moment to see that the man was with the Satsuma military that had just arrived. She swallowed, praying that the tremor in her hands would not enter her voice.  
  
"I am called Ido Kayu. If you'd like to request me next time I'd be--"  
  
The man grabbed her wrist tightly. "Don't lie to me girl. Tell me your real name."  
  
She struggled, working up to make a scene. "Sir, please let me go."  
  
Seemingly compliant, he let her go. "Forgive me, I mistook you for someone else." But the look he gave her said precisely the opposite. His gaze lingered for a moment accompanied by a smirk before he turned back to consult with his companions. She returned momentarily to her table. Bringing with her a tray of steamed dumplings and other appetizers. Shinpachi sat up straight with his arms crossed.  
  
"Hey, that guy isn't bothering you is he?" He launched a scowl in the earlier man's direction.  
  
Kayu gave a small chuckle. "No he isn't, thank you. He just...asked my name." She swallowed, praying that her smile would hold.  
  
Sano seemed to perk up suddenly. "And, what is your name, may I ask?"  
  
The girl was glad for the opportunity to give her name with grace. "Kayu. Ido Kayu."  
  
"That's a lovely name, now isn't it, Shinpachi?"  
  
The short-haired man blushed again. "Y-yeah, it is."  
  
The two other men across from him seemed to be desperately trying to suppress laughter.  
  
"Yeah, Shinpatsuan, it...sure is." The young long-haired boy laughed while clutching his ribs.  
  
"Cram it, Heisuke." Shinpachi said with a scowl.  
  
The tall, slender and somewhat bored looking man besides Heisuke pulled a wide smirk before speaking. "Hey, Kayu-chan." Strangely enough, Shinpachi was the one to react first, drowning out any shock she herself might have displayed.  
  
He slammed his hands in the table. "The hell are you trying to pull, Sōji?!"  
  
"What~" he purred. "She doesn't seem to mind, do you, Kayu-chan~"  
  
"Oi!!" Shinpachi seemed ready to pummel Sōji.  
  
Kayu giggled musically. "Just let me know if you need anything else." She bowed, intending to leave.  
  
"How about you come and pour us some tea? If you can spare the time."  
  
She looked around the shop nervously. "Perhaps, if you don't mind waiting a few moments.  
  
"Of course. Wouldn't want to keep you from your work."  
  
She bowed in thanks.

Not much later, Kayu returned with their order of dumplings.  
  
Heisuke exclaimed loudly. "Oh man. I'm so hungry--" His attempt to grab for the plate was struck down by Sano.  
  
"Oi! At least wait for her to set the food ya pig!"  
  
"Hey! I had patrol all morning! I haven't eaten since yesterday."  
  
"You think that we're any different?"  
  
His mouth turned down into a pout. "I guess not..."  
  
Kayu giggled. "Well I'll leave you to your meal. Please enjoy." She said pleasantly before leaving. Shinpachi seemed like he had more to say to her, but she was still on the clock after all. She hoped that he could respect that.

•••

  
By the time the business day ended, she was utterly exhausted. The crowd, the noise, all of it made her weary. After finishing helping the other servers shoo out the stragglers; she took her leave out the shop's side door. Thankfully, the alley was empty, the shadows of late evening giving her plentiful cover. With a sigh she started taking out her hair ornaments one by one, letting her hair fall free. Even at its current length, the thick strands weighed heavily on her shoulders. The ends still felt raw and foreign to her.  
  
_It's been almost a month. You'd think I'd be used to it by now._  
  
Her thoughts were then abruptly cut off. From out on the street, she heard what sounded like the beginnings of a fight. She straightened up, back pressed against the building and ventured closer for a peek.  
  
"The hell you think you're doing dogs. We told you, we're soldiers from Satsuma."  
  
"Well ya don't look it t' me." The man's voice seemed familiar to her. "They sound like they're from Kagoshima to you, eh, Shinpachi?"  
  
"As if. Those sorry excuses for blades look like they were plucked off the corpses of some rōnin." Shinpachi spat, cracking his blade from his sheath in a taunting motion.  
  
She recognized them from the teahouse. Only now, they donned the infamous light-blue haori of the Shinsengumi. Everything about them, from their stances to their expressions had changed. She could scarcely recognize them as the gentle and kind men she had met before.  
  
One of the forefront Rōnin seemed to have had enough. He drew his blade, lunging with what couldn't have possibly been good technique. Shinpachi swerved out of the way, drawing his blade while Sano readied his spear.  
  
The soldier spat back at him, "Bastard!" He was knocked out before he could even regain his stance.  
  
Shinpachi and his men began to make quick work of the others, disarming or disabling them.  
  
"Well tha' finishes 'em." Sanosuke said proudly, placing his spear on his shoulder.  
  
Kayu's eyes widened when she saw the first soldier stand up again, raising his sword with a cry. "Damn you!" Before Sanosuke had time to turn around, the soldier went limp, silver passing in and out of his chest like a flash of moonbeam.  
  
"Shinpachi-- I totally had tha' one!" Sanosuke was clearly trying to be joking, while Shinpachi, surprisingly was not.  
  
"No, Sano, he almost had you." He scowled brushing past his friend with a shove.  
  
Sano watched him a bit bewildered. "What? D'ya want me t' thank ya or something?"  
  
Shinpachi was walking in her direction, about to pass the alleyway. She shrunk back as far as she could, praying to remain unseen.  
  
"Nah, I just want you t' not die."  
  
She could see his face clearly and was perplexed by what she saw. All laughter and mirth were gone. All that remained was the fierce face of a warrior.  
  
Sano gave an almost forceful laugh the break the tension. He threw his arm around his friend's neck. "Now come on no need t'--" His bright eyes suddenly flashed towards her in the alley, she could have sworn that he saw her. She squeaked and scurried back into the alley.  
  
"What? You see somethin'?"  
  
"Nah," Sano shook his head, leading Shinpachi away. "Jus' a mouse."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading the first chapter! After playing all the routes in the game, I knew that I wanted one thing, for Shinpachi to be freaking happy. This is my attempt at that. Bringing in some of the actual historical elements, since the actual Nagakura had a documented wife and such. I will will be posting as regularly as I can, please comment if you liked it, or have any feedback!


	4. Following

 

"Mino, what's wrong?" One of the older servers asked. The girl was still fairly new, but the trembling in her hands seemed to be from more than just nerves.  
  
She pointed shakily. "Th-that's my table today and--" she shuddered, pointing. "It's those...Shinsengumi men."  
  
"It's alright, I can ask the manager--" The girl began, taking Mino by the shoulders. They moved together to return to the kitchens.  
  
"I will take that table." The two girls turned to see the source of the third voice. Kayu stood there, smiling. "If you're really that worried, I'll take them for you."  
  
Mino looked at her wide-eyed. "Are--are you sure?"  
  
"Yes, I'm, sure." Kayu nodded to Masa. "Let the manager know, I'll take it from here."  
  
Masa nodded gratefully, guiding Mino by the shoulders into the back rooms.  
  
Kayu herself was still new to Kyōto, and so had little reason to fear the Shinsengumi like so many of the others did. She had even witnessed them be somewhat merciful. Seeming   
far from the pack of bloodthirsty wolves that they were often described as.

  
"Good afternoon." Kayu said with a smile that was scarcely returned. Heisuke seemed to be arguing about something with one of the other men.  
  
"I'm telling you Okita there's no way--" Sanosuke seemed to make a habit of making sure his companions showed proper respect to the waitstaff. He flicked the boy in the   
forehead before turning to the waitress.  
  
"Hello again, Miss." Sanosuke greeted, choosing to ignore Heisuke as he complained.  
  
"I take you'll be having your usual again?" She chuckled, seeing how the young man suddenly stopped in his tracks upon seeing her again. His mouth hanging agape; not unlike his friend Shinpachi.  
  
"Just start us out with drinks for now." Sanosuke said pleasantly.  
  
She bowed and made her way to her other tables. As soon as she left, the four of them burst back in to chatter, their voices quickly blurring into the din of the teahouse. It was always surprisingly loud, but for once she did not feel it throb against her ear drums. She instead felt a strange sense of cheer.  
  
Despite the other girls' suspicions, it was clear that the Shinsengumi's patronage at Shirodama was not unexpected. They were servants of the Bakufu. A group of farmers, merchants and rōnin who all took up the sword for their country. But, as the people saw it, they were nothing but bloodthirsty wolves, taking to the streets and cutting down all in their path. With their already dismal reputation, the group was known for its' members often sneaking off to Shimabara and to the other red-light districts.  
  
While Shirodama was not in the pleasure quarter directly, it was instead positioned almost strategically beyond the mouth of the elaborate red gates. Along with many other shops almost as a convenient alternative if Shimabara was too full or meerly too expensive.  
  
The fashion of the girls in employment certainly was influenced by their lavish neighbors, and there was not a shortage of men who tried to take advantage of that fact. Even if many other such establishments chose to ignore the strict regulations, Shirodama took pride not being one of them.  
  
Despite their reputation, the Shinsengumi members she had met were the ones who, so far, out of all her customers had chosen to honor that. It would be foolish of her to ignore such actions.  
  
She tilted her head to the side with an awkward smile. "If you need more time to decide..." Kayu offered.  
  
"We'll get a round of pork plates with extra rice." Sano said behind a hand.  
  
Kayu took that moment to excuse herself to make their orders.  
  
Shinpachi continued to attempt to chastise Sōji while the taller man seemed to only grow more and more entertained as Shinpachi's face became more and more red.  
  
She returned to the kitchens, a rather evident smile on her face.  
  
"Making friends with the customers?" It was the manager, Sugimura Shio. She stood with her arms crossed, fingers tapping lightly.  
  
"Just making sure they enjoy their meals, ma'am." Kayu inclined her head in acknowledgment.  
  
Shio nodded almost dismissively. "Masa will take over for now, hopefully they won't be too disappointed."  
  
Kayu waited patiently for further explanation.  
  
"We're getting a little desperate as far as some supplies. I need you to place these orders in the market."  
  
Kayu took the paper offered her with another respectful bow. "Right away. Tenchō." Just before she left, another girl burst into the room.  
  
"S-sorry I'm late, Shio-san."  
  
The older girl scowled. "Don't apologize to me. You have a responsibility to the other girls here. Masa's going to be swamped out there."  
  
"I said I was sorry!" Kiri put her hands together in a pleading gesture. "I just had to help a friend and--"  
  
Shio's scowl deepened. "Don't tell me you've gone to see that Shiragi again. You're not a man, you have no business calling on Oiran in Shimabara!"  
  
"C'mon now I wouldn't call it calling I'm just--"  
  
Kayu took that opportunity to make her exit, bowing respectfully even thou neither of them were paying attention.

•••

It was a simple chore and was done quickly. Kayu almost found herself able to relax for a few moments before she noticed that a group of men seemed to be hovering uncomfortably close. When she rounded the corner, it was clear that she was being followed. Three figures emerged from beyond the teahouse. Their formal military dress giving away their identity immediately.  
  
The officer at the center gave a nod and his two men ran ahead, holding their sheathed katana like batons.  
  
She tried to run, but her feet were ultimately unused to the platform geta sandals. After a few wavering strides, she collapsed into a blocked-off alleyway.  
  
"Who are you?" She asked, clenching her fists in front of her as she managed to stand.  
  
"I am Yamamoto Seijirō. You may address me however you wish."  
  
"Why are you following me?" Her tone bit her query off into more of a statement.  
  
"All I want is an honest answer to my question. If it is satisfactory, I will leave you be."  
  
"I already told you, my name is Ido Kayu." She shoved her hand into her sleeve, pulling out a document. "Here are my papers from when I came to Kyōto."  
  
His beady eyes flicked across the document dismissively. "I'm not interested in that." He took a step towards her. "You are clearly a girl of much higher breeding than any of the swill who infest that...establishment."  
  
Kayu snarled. "You have no proof, I gave you your answer."  
  
"Your Kyōto accent is good enough I'll grant you. Almost as good as a geisha. I think that you may have found better solace in Shimabara."  
  
She prepared to scream if he got any closer, but the man kept his distance.  
  
"I have no interest in extorting the information. I will be in Kyōto for quite a while." He turned sharply on his heel. "I will find what I came here for." He sneered.  
  
"Ya better get on your way then." When Yamamoto turned around, among his men stood a third addition. Framed in the late afternoon light, looking none too pleased.  
  
"Who are you to interfere with official Satsuma Domain business?" The man said smoothly.  
  
"I don't see how chasing down a girl qualifies as official business." He said with a snarl, hand gripping the hilt of his katana.  
  
"Name yourself." Yamamoto spat, his patience clearly beginning to wear thin.  
  
The man gave a cocky grin in reply. "I'm Nagakura Shinpachi, Second unit captain of the Shinsengumi."  
  
Yamamoto sneered. "You'll do well to keep your nose out of places it doesn't belong, dog." He snarled.  
  
Shinpachi frowned. "Keep talking like that and you'll make it my business." He gave a threatening look, reaching for his sword.  
  
Yamamoto made no move to retaliate while his men grew visibly tense. "That's all fine and well for you." He gestured for them to relax with a flick of his wrist. "If it's all the same   
to you, we will be on our way." He smirked, turning sharply on his heel.  
  
"...O-Oi!" Shinpachi called fruitlessly after the three Satsuma soldiers as they made their exit. He swore loudly, letting his sword hilt fall from his hand.  
  
Kayu leaned up against the alley wall forcing herself to exhale in a calming manner.  
  
"Tch. Can't believe them." He turned back towards Kayu, rolling his shoulder irritatedly. "Who the hell d'they think they're impressing? Harassing a girl in broad daylight."   
Shinpachi muttered, mostly to himself.  
  
Kayu had begun to straighten herself up, pulling her kimono back into place and tucking stray strands of hair back behind her ear. Her eyes focussed on an object that suddenly entered her vision. It was one of her hair ornaments that had fallen.  
  
"Here, miss. You dropped this."  
  
Kayu muttered a thanks as she took the delicate hair stick from him.  
  
"You okay? Those guys didn't hurt you did they? You look like you've been having a bad day."  
  
"Nothing I'm not used to," she said without looking at him.  
  
Shinpachi frowned at her indifferent response. He opted for a different question. "Any idea why Satsuma soldiers would be after you?"  
  
She hesitated for only a moment before shaking her head. "No, I have no idea," she said carefully.  
  
He gave her a look, pressing his lips together.  
  
"I'm fine. I'm not injured or anything."  
  
He nodded solemnly. "Next time they give you any trouble, I'll make sure they don' walk away so easily." He slammed his fist in to his open palm with a cocky grin.  
  
"But, won't opposing the Satsuma cause you trouble?"  
  
He shook his head. "The Satsuma are already causing us trouble. They go after a civilian--it's not like we can just ignore that now can we. After all we--" Sanosuke appeared   
behind him suddenly, wrapping an arm around his friend's neck.  
  
"Whaddaya mean ya don't know how t' talk to girls? Y'seem t' be doing' jus' fine to me!"  
  
Shinpachi groaned, trying to shove him off.  
  
"Sorry to break it off, Miss, but me and this idiot gotta go back on patrol.  
  
Kayu smiled, allowing a smile to fill her face. "Thank you."  
  
"No need to thank us, miss." Sanosuke waved as they walked off, Shinpachi giving one last sheepish look back in her direction.  
  
The relief she felt faded quickly after they left, only dread remained. The peace she had found these past few months was tenuous, she knew that. But just maybe, she was starting to believe that things would work out for her in the end.


	5. Festival

"Hey there Kayu-chan!" She started at the sudden address, looking up to see Sano with his bright smile beckoning to her. Even without their blue haori, the three Shinsengumi members stuck out from the crowd, drawing the eyes and whispers of those around them.  
  
"Hey, careful." Shinpachi chastised. "Remember, not everyone is so friendly to people who hang around with us."  
  
"You say that like I don't know." Sano grimaced. "But anyone who'd give this girl trouble over that deserves my spear in their gut." He pumped his arm as if he held his weapon at that moment.  
  
Shinpachi gave a disapproving look.  
  
"Hahah! Who thought Shinpatsuan would be the serious one here!"  
  
"Can it, Heisuke." Shinpachi placed his hand over Heisuke's face who grunted and squirmed in an attempt to escape away. His reactions quickly deslved into what seemed to be run-of-the-mill rough-housing for them.  
  
Sano's grin remained, turning to Kayu. "So, out to see the festival tonight?"  
  
She nodded. "Well, yes. I've never seen one before."  
  
Shinpachi and Heisuke suddenly stopped. Shinpachi's hand falling abruptly from the younger man's head.  
  
"What, you mean you've never seen a Kyōto festival, right?" Shinpachi questioned. Ducking forward with Heisuke in bewilderment.  
  
"No...I...I wasn't exactly...allowed to see the festivals back home. At least, not up close like this."  
Sanosuke, ever the initiator, slapped Shinpachi hard on the back, shoving him towards the girl. "Shinpachi. I hereby charge you with the duty of escorting this woman through the   
perils of this festival night."  
  
"Ow...that hurt Sano..."  
  
He grinned. "Heisuke, you come with me, time to rescue Chizuru-chan from Saitō and Sōji."  
  
Heisuke grinned, waving cheekily as they disappeared into the crowd.  
  
A moment passed where the only change between them was Shinpachi's face going completely red.  
  
"So uh--"  
  
"Nagakura-han." Kayu said with a gentle smile. "If you don't want to stay--"  
  
He waved his hands frantically. "O--oh no, that's not--" he scratched the back of his head. "I just...I just don't know how you feel about having some guy you hardly now shoved at you."  
  
"Well...I've known you just about as long a I've been in Kyōto."  
  
"R-right..."  
  
She shrugged almost sadly. "I don't really know anyone else besides the staff and regulars at the teahouse."  
  
He stared a moment. "What, you don't have any family here?" From her accent, she was clearly from Edo, that much could be known.  
  
She shook her head. "No, and...if you don't mind, I'd rather not..."  
  
Shinpachi blinked, watching her face suddenly fall. "Oh--oh it's okay...you don' have to if--" he coughed into his fist, pausing before speaking again. "Yeah, family's a sore spot for me too so, it's not like I don't get it..." he trailed off.  
  
She nodded. "So, are you...going to show me the festival?"  
  
"Ah! R--right, of course. I--"  
  
She giggled. Causing Shinpachi to pause and look at her for a few moments. Yes, she was indeed very beautiful, but he felt there was more there. She was alone, forced to carry a carefully veiled mystery she could not fully guard on her own.  
  
"Come with me. The one thing you cannot miss is the food, trust me."  
  
He gestured for her to follow him through the dense crowd, past the lovely procession to the street that had since become lined with merchant's stalls.  
  
"Oh, your comb is coming loose--"  
  
Kayu jerked away when he tried to fix it. "Can you...not touch my hair please?" She said sharply. "My scalp is...sensitive." He drew his hands back, blinking slowly.  
  
Her face fell considerably as she fiddled with it deftly. Her small fingers seemed to be stroking along tresses that were no longer there, seeming lost when they came to the ends.  
  
When his gaze began to resemble pity, she quickly changed the subject. "Oh! Let's go over there! Those masks look really beautiful."  
  
A slight frown curved his lips as he watched her. After what she mentioned, looking at her hair revealed a few more things. It was clearly very thick and heavy, but was not correctly secured in its up-do.  
  
The strands that hung loose were rough and jagged. Probably cut hastily with a blade.  
  
"Kayu--"  
  
When she turned around, she had pressed a vibrant mask against her face, perhaps attempting to lighten the mood.  
  
He granted her a small grin, opting to join her by picking up an oni mask for himself. He was able to relax, seeing her laugh, but he couldn't quite quell his curiosity about her hair.  
  
Since they did not intend to buy the masks, they instead moved to the food stalls buying some odango to snack on. Sitting on a bench, they ate mostly in silence for a few moments.  
  
In that moment, he wasn't exactly sure what to talk about. Most normal points of conversation; work, family and friends, all carried deep or painful implications. At least on his part.  
  
"Kayu," he began. "Uh, how...how did you come to work at Shirodama?" He cleared his throat, hoping his voice didn't crack too much.  
  
"I got the job thanks to the Sugimura family."  
  
He blinked, that family name seeming familiar to him. "Yeah?"  
  
"I met Sugimura-dono and his family when I came here." She finished off her odango, twirling the stick between her fingers. "Shio is married to the owner of Shirodama, Shōtarō-san. She works as the manager there. It just so happened that an apprentice server position had recently opened up."  
  
"Well ain't that lucky."  
  
Kayu nodded, choosing to refrain from relaying the exact details. According the rumors, the girl was last seen with one of the young Shinsengumi officers. Both were purportedly killed by a madman.  
  
"I'm very thankful to them," she said with a soft smile. "What about you? You don't have to tell me everything, I'd just like to know a little more about the man escorting me."  
  
Shinpachi's cheeks flushed suddenly and he instantly began to stutter. "W-well uh-- what do you want to know?"  
  
"I want to know about the Shinsengumi." She stated. "All I hear are awful rumors."  
  
He nodded, scratching the back of his head. "Well...I suppose I..." He pressed his lips together ponderingly. "I left my domain on pretty bad terms you know, me and my old man never got along too well. I could've just sat around with my cushy samurai title, but..." His brow furrowed. "Something about that never sat well with me. I was a master swordsman by nineteen, but...I...really I just started to wonder what I was doing it all for.  
  
"I traveled for a while to find my answer and what I found was..." His mouth suddenly formed into a smile "Kondō-san, and all the others at Shiekan Dōjo." He nodded. "And then we came here, to try and make Kondō-san's dreams come true. To make all our dreams come true." She thought she saw his smile falter for but a moment. It was clear that their noble endeavor had come with more bloodshed than initially hoped.  
  
The rumors she had heard of the Shinsengumi included specific accusations against the officers too. Nagakura had been called a filthy womanizer and a drunk, on top of being a cowardly turncoat.  
  
"I've...heard a lot about Kondō-san." Terrible things. About how he was a corrupt, lazy and bloodthirsty man. "He seems like a good man, and a capable leader."  
  
This seemed to help his face light up. "Y-yeah!" He grinned down at her.  
  
"I'd love to meet him."  
  
His face seemed to take on a gleam of pride, one that might be seen from a loyal younger brother.  
  
The festivities seemed to be reaching a fever-pitch around them and they both turned to look. Kayu's eyes widened in wonder as she saw the parade begin to round the bend.   
Before they could even approach, a thick crowd of people flooded the sides of the street, blocking their view almost completely. Kayu's mostly, her being somewhat below average height.  
  
Shinpachi looked down at her, seeing the look of disappointment that crossed her face. She had to be a young woman, not much younger than him, and yet she looked just like that of a young child then.  
  
He frowned, and then made a sudden move.  
  
"Wh--Nagakura--" She found herself suddenly being lifted in to the air by her waist. The brilliant lights of the parades blurring in streaks of gold before bursting into full bloom from her new point of view.  
  
She was too distracted by the beauty of it all to notice fully that Shinpachi had hoisted her up on his shoulders like a little girl. Because, at that moment, she really did feel that young.  
  
Unsure of where to hold on, she gripped at her legs precariously, fearing that she would fall. A large rough hand darted up to steady her.  
  
"You alright?!" He called.  
  
"Uh--" she tried to nod and give and affirmative answer. She remained as long as she could, getting the best view until she began to feel a little light-headed.  
  
He got her down as gently as possible, letting her have a moment to straighten up.  
  
"Uh--!" He panicked when he saw her cross expression. "I'm sorry did I--"  
  
She shook her head and smiled. "No...I..." She flushed and looked down, "...thank you..."  
  
He nodded shakily, blushing furiously. Only now realizing precisely what he had done.  
  
She gave a quavering laugh. "I'm not mad or anything..." She lifted her smile to him. "Just...give me some warning, okay?"  
  
"O-okay....y-yeah I--" He eventually gave up completely on speech, looking anywhere but her face.  
  
The crowd around them had begun to disperse and quiet down, allowing them to be more easily noticed.  
  
"Oh dear~" A voice said. "I'm not interrupting anything am I?"  
  
Kayu and Shinpachi turned in unison to see Okita Sōji still clad in his Shinsengumi Blues.  
  
"Sōji?!" Shinpachi blurted.  
  
The man only grinned. "I suppose it's no surprise that Chizuru would bore you so fast. Had to find another girl for the festival this year, eh?"

Shinpachi's red remained, transforming from embarrassment to anger. "Oi--!"  
  
"Sōji." A cool voice uttered from behind. "We may be done with our patrol, but that does not mean we can dawdle on our way back to headquarters."  
  
"Ooh~ Sorry Hajime-kun."  
  
Sōji continued to laugh as the third man seemed to only grow crosser.  
  
Hajime then turned to Shinpachi. "I hope that I won't have to lecture you as well."  
  
"No, no...Saitō-kun..." He laughed awkwardly, waving a hand in front of him. "I just--"  
  
Hajime seemed to have already lost interest and began marching away back towards his men. "You are leading tonight's evening patrol. Be sure you aren't late." He said without so much a second glance.  
  
"I think I forgot to properly introduce myself last time, didn't I?" Sōji said, looking at Kayu. "I'm Okita Sōji, captian of the Shinsengumi's first division." He flicked his head towards Shinpachi. "He's the captian of the second division." He glanced over his shoulder, "and that bundle of laughs is Saitō Hajime, captian of the third division.  
  
He turned back to Kayu. " Now, if you'll excuse me." He bowed himself out, returning to his patrol as swiftly as he had arrived.  
  
Shinpachi swore under his breath.  
  
"Damn that bastard..."  
  
"Well..." Kayu began. "I shouldn't keep you." She gave a small bow. "Thank you for accompanying me tonight. I really enjoyed it," she met his gaze with a genuine smile.  
  
Shinpachi blushed. "N-no problem."  
  
She bowed in farewell, walking past him.  
  
"W-wait!" He stammered. "Can I at least escort you back?"  
  
"You may."


	6. Blaze

_August 1864  
Kinmon no Hen_

She would have had to have been hopelessly naïve to think that Kyōto was anywhere near safe. It was all that could be talked about, how the streets were thick with rōnin with the government all but turning a blind eye. Kayu did not come to this city in search of an easy and peaceful life, she had come in search of a life at all.  
  
Soldiers marched through the streets, banners of the prominent clans flying in the wind. Kayu walked with her friend Kiri Sugimura close at her side, the two of them sticking close to the crowd as they moved as far away from the imperial palace as they could.  
  
Perhaps she was being too obvious, but her eyes still searched the crowds desperately.  
  
"Lucky for you your boyfriend's uniform sticks out so much."  
  
"Huh?!" Kayu asked, looking at her surprised. "He's not my boyfriend!"  
  
Kiri grinned for only a moment before a man bumped suddenly into her, almost causing her to lose footing.  
  
"Kiri!" Kayu grabbed her shoulder. Trying to keep them both moving in the suffocating crowd.  
  
"I--I'm sorry--" the man's unexpected apology was almost lost to the din. Everything was so frantic that she almost missed him entirely.  
  
"Nagakura-san!"  
  
"K--Kayu!" He stammered while looking frantically back towards his regiment. "Take the eastern road out of the city, the wind should keep the flames from that area!" He called before he disappeared again.  
  
Kiri stared blankly after the man for a moment before allowing herself to be dragged into an alley.  
  
"Kayu! Where are we going?" She said with slight frustration.  
  
"We're taking Nagakura's advice."  
  
"But, my parents are waiting for us down at the river!"  
  
"We'll get there. This route should be faster."  
  
Kiri nodded, pushing herself to the lead. "You're going the wrong way if we're taking the east road." She shot her a smirk. "You're still the newbie to this city."  
  
They pushed through the crowds of people as quickly as they could. Heading to the river near the prison. The area was sure to be thick with officials who could help point them toward a shelter.  
  
When they approached the prison, Kayu saw someone that she recognized. She waved and called out. "Tōdō-san!"  
  
Kiri hit her shoulder. "What are you doing?!" She said in a harsh whisper.  
  
"It's okay I know him..."  
  
  
"Hey!" A heavily armed guard yelled at her, drawing his sword immediately."  
  
Kiri stepped protectively in front of Kayu. "We're just trying to find shelter." She said firmly.

"The prison is off-limits to civilians. Get the hell out of here."

"Excuse me, we're just trying to--"

"You're interfering with Bakufu Buisness!" He yelled, bringing his sword down towards her.

"Look out!" Kayu cried, pushing Kiri out of the way, putting her arms up to guard her self. The man's blade grazed her forearm, leaving a significant cut.

"Kayu!" She screeched.

"You desperate to die too?" He sneered, raising his blade again.

A commanding voice stopped him in his tracks. "HALT!" He stood between the gaurd and him. Facing the blade head-on.

"The hell are you?" He spat.

"I am Yamanami Keisuke. Vice Commander of the Shinsengumi."

The man's face went pale. "Sh-Shinsengumi..." He stuttered before running off instantly. She didn't know the man who called out, but she saw the familiar Heisuke trailing after him. The first man was pale and lean with slick black hair and round glasses. She held her sleeve tightly over her wound, willing not to let her pain show.

Heisuke turned to them. "What the hell are you doing here?" The usually jovial young man bore a severe, almost panicked expression. His forehead was tightly bound in bandages, but his expression nonetheless came through.

"We're...we're just trying to find a shelter..." Kiri said weakly. Once again, she was surprised by the drastic change in the young man's demeanor.

"Tōdō-kun." The older man said almost bitterly. "If these are your acquaintances  
we best get them out of here." He glanced behind them to the prison. The place seemed to be in an uproar. Wardens attempting to subdue prisoners.

Kayu stepped forward, confusion painting her face. "What...what are they doing? Aren't prisoners supposed be temporarily absolved in the case of a fire?"

Sannan looked at her. Pausing only momentarily at the fact that a girl of her apparent status would know such a thing. "You are correct. That is why you two must leave."

"I don't understand--" she began before the strange man took her firmly by the wrist.

"You seem like an intelligent one. So you should know when to leave well enough alone."

Kayu writhed in his grip. "Unhand me!"

"Tōdō-kun." He said icily. "Kindly help me escort these ladies to the rescue house with the other refugees." He gave a cold smile, releasing her wrist.

Heisuke nodded, glancing at bother her and Kiri. "Don't worry. We will get you to safety. "

The two men started waking briskly towards the river path. Kayu looked back, her eyes widening in horror. Even as the blaze of the city grew closer, the inmates' mutilatedbodies were being thrown into the river. She let out an involuntary cry.

Sannan snapped a hand over her mouth.

"Like what you see Ojou-san? This is the Bakufu's idea of justice."

She was too mortified to fight him. She simply followed him in silence after he released her. The shock of realization settling in.

_Is that... is that really the Bakufu that my father serves?_

●●●

Sannan and Heisuke led the two girls to the rescue house where many of the Mibu villagers were gathered. They were left in the care of a young man who introduced himself as Seizaburō Kamiya. A small child, smudged with soot and ash clung tightly to his hand.

After he helped treat Kayu's wound, Kayu found a moment to ask what was on her mind. "Kamiya-san." She asked carefully. "Can you tell us, what happened today?"

The boy gave a grim nod. "I'm sure you heard of the Ikedaya Incident, especially if you are acquaintances of Nagakura-sensei like Sannan-san said..." he paused. "Well, this is what we were trying to prevent. The Chōshu were planning to set fire to the city."

"So...they succeeded after all?"

Kamiya grimaced. "N--no..." He looked her straight in the face. "I'm...I'm not totally sure if I should say this...but..." He shook his head. "Bakufu soldiers set fire to the Chōshu estate, and the winds...carried the blaze." His hand tightened his grip around the young boy's hand.

Kiri knelt down to the blank-faced child. "Hi there little one, what's your name?"

"...Masaichi..." He said slowly.

"But most people just call him Mabo." Kamiya supplied.

"What a cute nickname." Kiri patted his head and smiled.

She continued to make light conversation with the boy. Taking him by the hand and letting him sit next to her. Kayu kept her solemn gaze fixed on the horizon, Kamiya standing by her side.

"Tell me..." Kayu began suddenly.

"Yes, Ido-san?"

"Do you...do you really believe in the Bakufu?" The question seemed silly, but it was plaguing her mind.

He paused, thinking for a moment. "Strangely enough, even though I've been in the Shinsengumi for over a year, that never really crossed my mind."

She looked at him, surprised.

"I originally joined to get revenge for my family against the Chōshu...but...now I follow Kondō-san. I believe in him and his ideals." He said confidently.

"I see...you too huh?" She looked up at the sky, a faint smile gracing her lips. "Thank you. I find that reassuring."

"Glad to have been of service." He bowed, leaving to return to Masaichi.

Even after receiving her answer, her heart could not be quelled. She had never had much reason to think hard on political matters, but she had been raised to trust and honor the

Bakufu. Now after seeing the reality, she had begun to doubt that faith, and in turn, doubt others who held that faith.

"But, this Kondō-san seems to be doing something right." She said with a sigh.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \--- (a/n) To avoid confusion; Sannan's real name is Yamanami Keisuke. It isn't an alias or anything, it is merely an alternate way to read the characters in his name. He was usually called this by those who worked with him.  Also, if any of you have read Kaze Hikaru you may have noticed my little references here. Not only is Sannan exclusively referred to as Yamanami in that manga, but that manga is the first place I heard of this particular incident. Kaze Hikaru does a much better job at portraying both the Sabaku and Son'no Joi sides equally. It also gives legitimate and understandable reasons for Heisuke's decision to leave the Shinsengumi. I highly recommend the series.


	7. Distance

Many days passed and the flames finally died down. It would, however, take much longer for the city to recover. many families and buisness were still displaced and reconstruction was slow. Military watch on the city had been drastically increased. Gate checks and patrols were doubled. This meant that Kayu was able to see much more of her

Shinsengumi accquantences out on the street, but this also meant that their leisure time was deeply impacted.

To that end, she was hardly expecting to see Shinpachi agian so soon.

"Kayu!"

She turned toward the familiar voice beckoning her. "Nagakura-san?" She always seemed to forget how imposing he could look when dressed in his uniform blues.

"I checked the teahouse and saw that it had been sacked, are you alright?" The panicked tone his voice took caught her off-guard.

She blinked. "I'm fine...thankfully, since the teahouse didn't burn down, we'll be able to build up our stock again--"

He gripped her wrist lightly, frowning at the bandages. "What happened here?"

She jerked her hand away. "It was nothing...it was just...in, all the commotion..."

"Did someone hurt you?"

"N-no!" She sputtered. "...I...I was helping someone escape a building, and...I just got burned. It's not serious..." She kept her eyes lowered, not wanting to give away the lie.

"Have you seen a doctor?"

She pursed her lips in disbelief. "I live with a _family_ of doctors so..."

Shinpachi didn't seem in the mood to respond to her humor.

Her laugh died on her lips and she gripped her arm nervously. "Nagakura-san," she ventured.

"Stop calling me that already..." He scratched the back of his head. "For some reason you being so formal just..." He grimaced in an effort to hide his flush. He seemed deeply troubled, in a way she could only hope to guess.

"Shinpachi...san." She had scarcely called any man by his first name before. "I'm really fine, you don't need to worry about me. " She loosened her arm from his grip and took a hold of his hand instead. "Just make sure to come back to the teahouse when we re-open..."

"Do you have a place to stay for now?"

"Yes, I live with the Sugimura at their estate."

"Good."

She looked down. "You...you can come by and visit, you know?"

"Huh?"

"Sugimura-dono...the doctor Yoshimasa...he said that he remembered you. Said he knew your father back before he was head of the family."

"Wait...old man Yoshi?" He exclaimed. "When did he leave Edo?"

"A long time ago. He came here to raise his family and serve the Shogunate directly, by order of the Matsumae Daimyō."

"Right..." All traces of joy and nostalgia fled his face instantly.

She didn't like seeing him look so dark again.

"Please...come by for dinner sometime."

He nodded grimly. "Sure thing."

•••

The Shinsengumi headquarters felt unnaturally dead upon his return. Even more of their men had been taken out of commission after the Kinmon no Hen. Not to mention the damage control that was being conducted in the city. Shinpachi gave a loud sigh, sitting down in one of the empty courtyards, not even bothering to look at the scenery.

"Hey what's wrong?" Sano's voice kept his thoughts from drifting too far.  "Ya found Kayu-chan right?"

"Yeah..." Shinpachi said with a frown.

He sat down next to his friend, leaning up against a wooden post. "Did something happen t' her?" He said with a look of concern.

"Nah...well...she got a bit scratched up from the fire, but the teahouse made it out okay."

"Well lucky for you, ya can go back t' seeing her once things clear up!" Sano patted him on the shoulder roughly with a laugh that quickly died when he saw Shinpachi's expression. "Seriously...what is it that's eating at you?"

"I'm...I'm just wondering, what this all will come to...you know?"

Sano raised an eyebrow.

"Chizuru is here living with us yeah, but that's only because she knows our secrets...that's the only reason she can hang around us." He furrowed his brow. "Yeah I know I complain about not being able to get girls..." He gave a bitter laugh. "And look at me now, as soon as I find a nice one I get scared and feel like completely backing out!"

Sano gave an exasperated sigh. "Look, so you're worried about Kayu getting mixed up in our mess right?"

Shinpachi nodded.

"Well, I mean, we still don't know much about her, but I get the feeling she has some secrets of her own."

Shinpachi looked at his friend quizzically, arms resting on his knees.

"Well," Sano continued, "not only was there that Satsuma guy from the teahouse interested in her; there are some other things that don't add up."

"Yeah...well." Shinpachi trailed off, pressing his lips together.

Sano tipped his head back slightly. "It is pretty obvious that she's faking her accent, and she really just...moves like a high-born girl you know?"

His friend scoffed."Oh, and you're the expert on noble girls eh?"

Sano gave a devious smirk, then punched his friend playfully. "Oi! You know what I mean." He shrugged. "Compare her to Chizuru for example. Chizuru is clearly merchant class from Edo. She's very accustomed to bowing, her hair is mid back-length and well-worn; like its been that way for a while." He gestured outward with a hand. "The way she walks too; she's forward and walks tall despite her perfect manners."

"I don't see your point."

Sano rolled his eyes. "Come on, you spent an evening with her, right? What'd you notice, about Kayu?"

Shinpachi narrowed his eyes. "She was...really weird about her hair. Even if she didn't tell me, anyone could tell that it used to be super long, like Heian Era princess long."

Sano nodded for him to continue.

"Yeah, and she wouldn't let me touch it, even though it was falling out all over the place." He tilted his head to the side. "And okay...I know what you mean now. Kayu walks as if she still had her hair dragging on the ground, and was still wearing one of those heavy silk robes." He nodded. "Yeah...When she bows...it's super stiff and shallow...which would mean she's used to being higher status than others."

"Who knows, maybe she is the princess?" Sano grinned.

"What? No, that's crazy talk!"

He shrugged, putting a hand up in the air. "Or whatever ya wanna believe. Doesn't matter, my point still stands. She's clearly not who she says she is."

"And, is that so bad?"

"Well...it doesn't have to be I guess." Sano allowed. "It could be because she's being hunted, or she could have been running from a crime, no one knows."

"Not funny."

"Either way, I don' think leaving her alone will solve anything. Whether or not she gets involved with us is her choice in the end...but for now, it seems like her being left alone just might be more dangerous, especially if there are others who have the same suspicions."

"Yeah, yeah, you're right as always Oh-Mighty-Lord Sano Master of the young woman's heart!" He slumped down against his knee, determined to mope in lieu of worrying.

"There, there..." Sano smiled. "She opened up to you a bit right? She clearly thinks that you're trustworthy." He slapped him on the back, almost knocking him off the porch. "The only way y'can screw this up is by avoiding her."

Shinpachi scowled momentarily before joining Sano in his laughter. He gave him a playful punch to the shoulder before he let it go.

His thoughts began to drift again. Sano was right, the surest way to muss things up was to avoid her. And yet, if he did see her, there was still the looming possibility that he could screw things up that way. Even so, he'd be damned if he didn't at least try.

 

 


	8. Implication

She was at first a bit hesitant to call out to him. The last time she had met him was less than pleasant. Despite that, the young man looked genuinely troubled, so she mustered up her courage.

"Heisuke-kun?" The look the young man gave her caused her to instantly take back her words. "Oh sorry it's just...that's what the others call you..."

He waved his hand. "Nah it's fine, as long as you're fine with me just callin' you 'Kayu'." He gave her a bright grin. "I mean, that's all Sano-san and Shinpatsuan call you."

"Fair enough." She nodded, taking a moment to notice what it was he was pursuing in the shops. "Hair ornaments...?" She said, perplexed.

"Oh! Uh--" His ears went instantly bright red. "Uh..."

Kayu giggled. "Let me guess, you're looking for a gift for that...Chizuru....aren't you?"

He looked at her, shocked for a moment.

She waved a hand. "I've just heard the name mentioned a few times. It's not like I know anything..."

Heisuke frowned.

"But...if I were to guess...I would say that this...Chizuru is the young one who patrols with the Shinsengumi out of uniform."

Heisuke's worried frown deepened. "Yeah...I guess something like that would stand out..."

She opted to try and lighten the mood, examining the wares closely.

"Well...she can't be too happy being forced to wear a plain hakama all the time..." Heisuke nodded weakly, clearly not paying attention. His eyes bored in to the assorted carved wood and stones as if they held the secret to the universe.

With a gentle tap, she roused him from his trance. "Here, what do you think of this one?"

His eyes focused on the jade comb with a look of fascination. "Oh wow..." It was an intricate design, featuring a motif of lotuses surrounding a single graceful crane.

"Something like this is sure to brighten any girl's day."

Heisuke's eyes clouded over, hardly paying attention as he payed for the comb. "Yeah...she's been kinda down lately..." He looked down at the comb in his hand. "I just hope this will help." His hand clenched around it as he looked up with a smile.

"Anyway..." He skipped ahead of her, pointing avidly to a dumpling stand. "I should at least thank you for your help!"

She nodded. "Of course." She'd be a fool to turn down free dumplings from a young Shinsengumi member with a big mouth.

They sat down, each with an order of odango to enjoy.

"Well, I guess I owe you a few answers, huh."

"You don't need to go spilling your secrets on my account."

He shook his head. "You already know about Chizuru so I can at least explain that much." The way he looked down and held himself seemed to communicate that he simply wanted to talk to someone who wasn't so deeply involved.

"Well, I will certainly listen if you want to speak."

He cracked a small grin. "Thanks..." He stuck a dumpling in his mouth letting a few moments fall to silence. "Sorry if I seem too forward 'r somethin'..." His sober expression

seemed really out of character.

"You know that I don't mind. I see you and the others all the time at the teahouse."

"Yeah, I guess that's why..." He drifted off for a moment.

She gave him a polite nudge.

"Oh!" He started, scrambling to collect his thoughts. "Basically....Chizuru is looking for someone. Her dad. And, it just so happens that we were lookin' for him too."

"So...she stays with you in exchange for her help in the search."

"Basically." He seemed to be holding back. "Look there's not much I can tell you. And the others always tell me I can't keep my mouth shut."

She paused. "Well, why don't you tell me about Chizuru herself? I mean, what kind of girl is she?"

"Well...uh...she--" he blushed, trailing off.

Kayu let herself giggle.

"O-oi--"

"You're too obvious, Heisuke-kun."

He scowled. "It's not like that. It's just gotta be hard for her, y'know? Having to hide like a criminal in headquarters."

"Well she's as welcome at Shirodama as anyone. I'd love to meet her. You should bring her by sometime."

His blush remained almost stubbornly. "Sano-san and Shinpatsuan'd never let me hear the end of it."

She paused, thinking a moment.

"Yeah those two won't shut up about you y'know." He continued.

"Oh...how embarrassing..." She said, with a bit of added feminine flair.

"Oh uh--don' worry it's nothin' like that--" he paused and cleared his throat. "Anyway, I'm sure he'll stop by again sometime soon!" He paused, looking away. "Yeah, Shinpatsuan will, that's for sure!" He laughed mostly to himself.

Kayu tilted her head in inquiry.

"The way I see it, he's totally got the hots for you!"

She blushed suddenly at his comment. Playing with a strand of hair as she avoided his gaze. "I--I'm sure it's nothing like that..." She trailed off.

Heisuke leaned down and peered up at her face. "What makes ya think that? You should be happy that he likes you back!"

She snapped her head up and sputtered. "What on earth are you talking about?" Nagakura-san is one of my important customers--"

Heisuke had begun to snigger uncontrollably causing Kayu to scowel.

"Hey! Don't make that face!" He said cheerfully through giggles. "He's a great guy so you shouldn't worry."

She huffed and turned away, keeping her lips turned down in a pout.

"Crap!" Heisuke said suddenly, jumping to his feet. "I have patrol soon I better get going!" He turned back as he left, giving her a slightly awkward nod.

"So uh," He scratched the back of his head. "Thanks again for your help. You're a real life saver!"

Kayu smiled and gave a shallow bow. "It is my pleasure." For a moment, her articulate satsuma dialect suddenly burst forth.

Heisuke stared at her for a moment, and then burst out laughing.

"Hey!" She said indignantly. "What's so funny!"

He gripped his stomach, struggling to get the words out. "S--sorry. It's--it's just-- for a second there, you sounded like some stuffy high born princess or something!" He continued to laugh. Clearly oblivious to all of his statement's implications.

She gave a docile giggle and bowed again in fairwell. "Well, give the others my regards, and tell them I expect them back at Shirodama soon!"

"Sure thing!" Heisuke called as he waved. His bright smile being the last thing she saw before she disappeared.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) In case you didn't know, Chizuru's name means "a thousand cranes". Aren't I so smart.


	9. Secret

Out in the streets, it was never that much different. The people of Kyōto seemed to have nothing better to do that gossip and whisper. Thankfully, she was not the focus and instead was simply a member of the rippling masses. With how massive the population of Kyōto was, it was simple enough to pick out anyone who was even vaguely familiar.

"Wait, I know you." Kayu said slowly. "You're that girl who patrols with the Shinsengumi--" she stopped herself. "Sorry, I mean, you're that person--" she lowered her voice.

"Shinpachi and the others told me about your...situation."

Chizuru nodded finally, some of the color returning to her face. "And you're...Ido-san...right?"

"Please, call me Kayu."

Chizuru smiled and nodded. "Kayu-san..."

The older girl nodded. "Chizuru..." She peered behind her, remembering how Heisuke had explained the restrictions of her stay with the Shinsengumi. "You're not...alone, are you?"

She shook her head. "No...Harada-san and Nagakura-san..." She glanced behind herself briefly. "They are leading the patrol today, they had me run a small errand while they pursued a particularly dangerous lead."

"So...they really trust you that much?"

She looked down nervously. "It's really those two though...they're always so kind to me..." She started, "Oh! I was supposed to get the medicine for Heisuke-kun!"

"Heisuke...?" She blinked, concern sprouting in her mind. He seemed fine last I saw him... "He's the young one, right? Short with a long ponytail?" And a big mouth. She thought to herself.

"Yes..." Chizuru's eyes darted to side, pink coloring her cheeks.

Kayu raised an eyebrow. "Well, do you know how to get to the apothecary? I haven't been in Kyōto long but..."

Chizuru nodded, reading a slip of paper she was given. "The apothecary of Sugimura-dono..."

"I know where that is!" She said with a smile. "The owner is actually a good friend of mine. He and his family sorta took me in when I came here."

"Really?" Chizuru's face lit up. "That's wonderful..." She pondered.

"I'd be happy to show you the way. Sugimura-dono would love to meet you.

•••

"Hello!" Kayu called into the shop.

"Ah, Kayu-san..." A middle-aged man appeared from behind the apothecary counter. His head was shaved in the fashion of traditional Japanese doctors; tall and lean with a gentle smile.

"I've brought a customer." She nodded to the younger girl who bowed before handing her slip of paper to him.

"Ah, of course, always happy to fill an order for Kondō-san." He smiled at Chizuru. "And you? How about you tell me your name?"

"I'm Yukimura Chizuru." She bowed respectfully.

Sugimura's face suddenly went pale. "You...you're not related to...Yukimura Kōdō-dono..."

Chizuru continued seemingly oblivious. "Yes, he's my father! Do you know him? I've actually been looking for him." The earnest look on her face caused him to jerk back a bit.

"No...I'm sorry dear. I've never met the man..." He gave her a forced smile. "How about I just get you the medicine you came for."

"Oh...of course..." Her face fell, and Kayu even felt a little bit sorry for her. Remembering her conversation with Heisuke, she decided it best to feign ignorance at that moment.

"I'm sorry...is your father missing?"

Chizuru nodded, forcing her smile back. "It's alright though...um..." Her lips suddenly snapped shut. "The others....the Shinsengumi I mean....they're helping me--well really I'm helping them--"

Before the poor girl could flounder any more, Yoshimasa returned with the prepared medicine.

"There you are, dear. I hope it serves Kondō-san well."

She gave a deep bow. "Thank you, Sugimura-dono."

"I assure you, the pleasure is all mine."

Kayu nodded in fairwell as she guided Chizuru back into the street.

"I'm sorry he couldn't help you with finding your father."

Kayu offered as they walked along the street.

Chizuru shook her head. "It's fine. I just have to keep doing my best. I know I'll find him someday." Her forced smile was thin and easily gave way to her dissapointment.

"Your father is very fortunate to have such a loyal daughter so concerned about him."

"Oh..." She trailed off, seemingly not sure how to handle the praise.

Kayu gave her a gentle nudge. "Tell me about him, your father. What was he like?"

Her expression instantly brightened, a soft smile appearing on her face. "He was a very kind man. He was always there for me when I had nightmares, comforted me whenever I felt lonely. He was a very gentle and kind man, honest!"

Kayu blinked, a bit taken aback at her earnestness. "It's alright, I wasn't implying that he was anything but that..."

Chizuru shook her head again. "No...sorry. It's just...according to the others, my father has been involved in some very...frightening things whilst serving the Bakufu. He's a doctor trained in western medicine...so he's invaluable..."

Kayu put up a hand. "It's alright. I know you can't tell me much. I believe you."

Her face lit up again. "You do?"

"Yes of course." She gave a gently smile. "You are clearly a very honest and kind girl. I have no reason to distrust you."

Chizuru gave a bright and genuine smile. "Thank you, Kayu-san."

While they had hoped for an uneventful trip back, a group of Chōshu affiliated rōnin seemed to have other ideas.

"Wait a second, I think I know her." One of them said aloud.

Kayu stiffened.

"Hey, where are you from?" He sidled up to her peering uncomfortably close.

Chizuru stepped closer to her, putting a hand to her blade.

The man scoffed. "What, you her kid brother or something?" Chizuru only glared at him.

"Come on," Kayu beckoned. "We have no business with them."

"Hey!" The three rōnin moved to block their path. "We just want you to answer our questions." The second one goaded, his hand at his blade. "Right, Shū?"

Shū nodded. "You see a bounty's been put out for a Satsuma princess, and I dare say you fit the bill quite nicely."

"Well I'm sorry." Kayu stated evenly. "I've never even been out of Kyōto." She said a carefully as she could.

They laughed. "Wha', you fancy yourself a maiko? That's the worst Kyōto accent I've ever heard!"

Kayu did her best to ignore them, but Shū lunged forward to grab her shoulder. "Not so fast."

Without thinking, Kayu drew the tantō she had hidden in her obi. Delicately wrought steel glinting with starlight. She got into the best fighting stand she could, stepping in front of Chizuru.

The rōnin's eyes widened when he saw the knife she pulled out. "Where the hell did you get that!" He drew his blade and sneered. "You must be her after all. Or at least someone worth taking in."

Chizuru looked to her, frantically drawing her kodachi.

The rōnin only laughed. "Aren't these kids cute? Think they can take us."

Kayu's blade licked out, slicing the rōnin's fingers and causing him to fumble. She grabbed Chizuru to run before he could recover, hoping to evade the others.

"Get back here!" Kayu's arm suddenly erupted in pain as a blade passed through flesh."

"Kayu-san!" Chizuru cried.

"Keep running!" She growled, gripping her wound fiercely. They only stopped running when they heard the rōnin's voices suddenly become shouts and gurgles of pain.

"I knew Chōshu were scum but sinking this low?" Sano said in disgust as the wounded man fell to the ground unconscious.

"Harada-san! Nagakura-san!" Chizuru exclaimed.

The taller man gave a smirk. "Don' look so surprised, kid. Ya really think we'd leave y' alone out here?"

She shook her head and carefully guided Kayu away from the fray. Kayu collapsed to the ground, her right ankle looking swollen.

"Kayu-san!" She cried.

Sanosuke spoke up suddenly. "Chizuru, you got the medicine right?"

"Yes."

He beckoned with his hand. "Bring it here, we need to get it back as soon as we can."

The young girl looked between him and the injured Kayu without replying.

Sanosuke gave her a warm smile, "Don' worry, Shinpachi can take care of her."

Shinpachi gave him a bewildered look, pointing at himself questioningly.

"Yes you ya lug!" He punched his friend in the shoulder. "You're not so incompetent that ya can't patch up a little scratch like that are ya?"

Shinpachi frowned and shook his head, walking almost dejectedly to Kayu's side. "Pull up your sleeve...."

Sanosuke motioned for his subordinates to begin escorting the tied up men away.

"What are you waiting for?" She questioned. "Kill them already!"

Sanosuke looked back at her, an expression of surpise passing over his face before he donned his signature grin. "Well, normally I'd be happy to grant such a pretty girl's wish."

He shrugged. "We need to question these men before we can grant them death."

Shinpachi's brow creased as he glanced at Kayu. He surveyed her face a moment before continuing his work. Sano barked orders for his men to take the soldiers away.

He glanced at his friend before leaving. "We'll take Chizuru back to headquarters..." His eyes fell on Kayu, seeming almost wary. "I trust you can handle things here."

"Yeah!" He gave a grin as he tore off another strip of cloth. Chizuru made a few more idle protests about helping before Sano guided her away, insisting that Shinpachi could do it  himself.

Before long he had the cut all tied up and ready to go. "There, all done." Shinpachi sat up with a satisfied grin.

Kayu touched the bandaged knot on her arm gingerly. "Nagakura-san...I have something to tell you."

"Hm? What is it?" Her serious expression gave him pause.

"I...I must apologize to you. I've...I've been lying to you."

"Oh what, are you gonna tell me that you're the lost princess those guys've been after?" He slapped his knee laughing until her continued grave look utterly silence him.

"Wait...no." He instantly began the sputter frantically.

She gave a deep sigh, motioning for him to be quiet. "I was born Sayahime of the Kimotsuki family." She met his eyes firmly.

"So that means, you're...Satsuma?" He asked, although at that moment it felt like an accusation.

"My father is a high-ranking retainer of the Satsuma domain, yes."

His face hardened. "I knew there was something off about you..." He seemed more sad than angry. "So Yamamoto was right. We were interfering with official Satsuma Domain business."

She didn't like the way his expression was changing. "Nagakura..."

He lunged foreword with a grunt, throwing her over his shoulder in a disturbingly swift motion."

"Hey!!" She cried out. The sound she made sending a shock of doubt through his heart. "What are you doing?!" She pounded fruitlessly at his back, squirming against his arm.

"I'm taking you to the magistrate's office. They'll be able to turn you over to a Satsuma retainer." His voice was flat. She never would have called him a dog of the Bakufu until this very moment.

"Shinpachi!"

He flinched at the casual use of his given name.

"Shinpachi you can't do this! I can't go back!" Fear and sadness tore through her voice. "I'd rather die than go back there don't you understand?!"

"How can I? You'll be going back to your family right?"

She scoffed. "I can't believe you!" She shrieked. "I thought you and I were the same! I thought you left your domain and your title because it was holding you back!"

Shinpachi stopped dead in his tracks, eyes wide and his lip pressed. "I..."

"Isn't that what you learned from Kondō-san? That there was still something left in this world to fight for? Something more important than lords and titles and honor?"

He grimaced, his hand tightening over her kimono for a moment.

"Aww...DAMMIT!" He swore. Letting Kayu go with a jolt.

He set her down on the side of the road, gripping at his bangs in anger. "What the hell am I thinking?" He hissed through clenched teeth, turning to her with a defeated look. "If I made you go back, that'd mean I'd need to go back to my old man with my tail between my legs, huh?"

Kayu was still shocked at his sudden compliance. "I--I..." She blinked, unsure how to respond at first. "You're...you're really not going to turn me in?"

He grimaced, looking down. "I...I mean..." His face flushed red. "...What kinda man would I be, using a girl to try and cozy up to our enemy?"

Kayu let herself relax. She brushed her bangs away from her face and began to stand up.

"Uh--!" He dashed forward, grabbing her a little too tightly by the wrist. "S--sorry." He didn't say anything else. He just straightened up, letting her use him for support as she got gingerly to her feet. "Oh shit..." He muttered. "You hurt your ankle too, didn't you..."

She shook her head, "no, it's fine..."

Shinpachi didn't seem to be taking that for an answer. He scowled, turned around, and promptly gestured for her to get on his back.

"So I have a choice this time..."

Shinpachi grunted in response. She couldn't see his whole face, but from what she glimpsed he looked...guilty.

"Alright?" He asked after she had found her grip around his shoulders.

"M-hm." She nodded, letting the side of her face rest against his neck. It's not like she even trusted herself to walk normally even without a bum ankle. Despite his occasionally erratic actions...she found herself very comfortable.

He started walking, slow enough as not to jostle her.

"Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Yes, you may." She said slowly.

Shinpachi found himself momentarily distracted by how he felt her voice more than heard it. How her breath warmed his hair and tickled his ear.

"Uh..." He furrowed his brow. "Why...why did you leave?"

Kayu blinked, slightly stunned for a moment. "I..." She grimaced. "It was like a prison..." She shook her head. "Did you have any sisters Nagakura-san? Any female cousins?"

He shrugged. "My uncle had a girl yeah, but she was way younger than me."

Kayu continued, "I was the oldest of three daughters my father had. He raised me properly you see. I scarcely ever got to see the sun. I spent my days learning to sew, sing and make pleasant conversation.

"But every day, I would look out to the yard and see my brother and our cousins playing and fighting. I was always incredibly jealous. I wanted to be out there with them, learning how to fight and live.

"But, even if by some miracle I was even allowed out, my hair dragged on the ground, and my feet easily slipped on the gravel." She felt her throat close up and instinctively pressed her face against his shoulder.

Shinpachi paused for a few moments before replying. "Okay...I think I get it now." She felt his chuckle reverberate from deep within his chest. "I have to say though, you sure have guts to escape! They're one of the strongest clans in Japan!"

Kayu smiled despite herself. He was certainly a strange man. But, a good man, she thought.

Before she knew it, they had arrived back at Shirodama. He knelt down, letting her get off as slowly as she needed to.

"You gonna be alright?" He squared himself in front of her. Concern lingering on his face.

She looked down, not meeting his eyes. "You're not...you're not going to tell anyone, are you?"

He laughed, "Well, Sano's probably gonna drag it out of me someday. Can't get anything past him."

Kayu frowned. "Shinpachi-san I'm serious. If anyone else finds out who I am-- what will happen, if word gets out that the Shinsengumi have taken the Satsuma princess?"

He frowned, "We took care of that, even if those rōnin know anything they won't say anything."

Her eyes darted to the side as she shifted nervously. "There is...one man...who is still suspicious."

"What...d'ya mean that guy from the teahouse?"

She nodded. "Yes. Yamamoto Seijirō. I've never met the man before, but I knew his name. He is someone who served along side my father before he was promoted." She pressed the sleeve of her kimono to her mouth. "I was told once how much I resembled him...my father."

Shinpachi sighed loudly, and suddenly leaned down to look at her in the face. "Look, while I may be the Second Unit Captain of the Shinsengumi above all, that doesn't mean I can't protect you."

"Why...why would you protect me?" She asked, only just now thinking about it.

He shifted slightly, "I mean...I might not know you that well but...but to me, you seem like someone worth protecting." He scratched his neck again, quickly avoiding her gaze when he found that it wasn't wavering.

She wasn't fully convinced. Her last few months on the run had made her wary. Her brow creased.

"Is...something wrong?"

Kayu had to keep herself from snapping at his stupidity. Of course there's something wrong!

"Prove it to me." She stated.

Shinpachi blinked.

"Prove to me that I can trust you."

"I--" he reached after her as she turned on her heel.

Her smile was surprisingly warm as she glanced back at him. "You're smarter than you look. You'll figure something out."

As much as she wanted to trust and take comfort in the bright smile he offered her in parting; she couldn't. He was kind, he had protected her, but he had also almost turned her over.


	10. Doubt

_April 1866_

A slow day at the teahouse, might as well have been any day. She did her best not to count the days between Shinpachi's visits, but as it happened that meant counting the days between any amount of excitement.

"Kayu." Shio said sharply.

"Y-yes? Tenchō?" She asked after she had turned around.

"Are you looking for someone? You seem anxious." Shio looked at her, eyebrow raised and arms crossed.

"Oh, uh, no. Ma'am."

"You don't have to hide it from me. I know that you've been seeing one of the Shinsengumi captians."

"Well, I would hardly call it...seeing."

She waved her hand with a twitch of her eyebrow. "Regardless of what you would call it, you have been spending time with a very dangerous sort of man."

Kayu bit her lip. "What, are you going to lecture me?"

Shio sighed. "Not necessarily. I just think that you should be clear on what his intentions are."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that a samurai like him probably only has one of a few things in mind for a young woman like you. No matter how kind he may seem. You must be absolutely certain."

Kayu frowned. "What do you think he wants with me?"

"I have no way of knowing. I do not know the man nearly as well as you should."

Kayu took that to heart. What was her relationship with Shinpachi? He had been kind to her, protected her, kept her secret; but now what?

"Well, if that's all then--"

"Wait," Shio said.

"Yes?" Kayu stopped mid-turn.

"You can go for the day. Kiri said she had something planned for the two of you."

"Huh?" Kayu scarcely had time to fully form her question before she found herself being energetically hugged from behind.

"You're coming with me today, Yu-chan! I have a surprise for you!"

"I, uhm--"

Kiri laughed brightly. "I hardly ever see you leave this place, so I decided I would treat you!"

"Where--where are we going?"

"You'll find out soon enough!" The energetic girl waved to her older sister and the two of them were off

It was in fact, soon very clear why Kiri had chosen to be so vague. The route they took only had one destination.

"Shimabara...?"

"Yes, I have a friend who works here. They happen to be free for today too, so I thought they could help you out."

"Help me...with what?"

She gave her a look as if the answer was obvious. "Why, your hair! I know you haven't had much time to yourself, but this is getting ridiculous."

Kayu blinked. "Is it...is it really that bad?"

Kiri shrugged. "It's not that it's bad...it's just not...nearly as good as it could be."

"Oh."

"Don't look so down. I thought this would cheer you up."

She stared off into space for a moment, fiddling with the still somewhat ragged strands.

"Look, I get it that you weren't exactly raised to be self-sufficient. Just think of this as a way for you to blend in better!"

"Right..." She was still distracted, as she swore that she saw some men in Shinsengumi uniform as they passed through the entrance of the district.

"You know...I knew Shinpachi when we were kids."

Kayu wasn't fully paying attention until she fully processed that statement. "Uh-huh--Wait what?"

Kiri giggled into her kimono sleeve. "Yeah, when we still lived in Edo. Our fathers worked along side one another. I was an insessant tomboy. No one could keep me from going outside with the boys." She smiled, a distant warm smile. "My father convinced the others to allow it, saying that I would fair better as a lady if I knew boys in my youth."

She shrugged.

"Oh..." Kayu said slowly.

"I suppose you want stories about how much of an idiot little Shinpachi was when he was young."

"Well...I..." She feigned descent for a moment before snickering. "I can't image that he's much differnt now."

"Yeah, he's taller, that's about it."

The two giggled together, just as the guard outside let them in to Kiri's friend's establishment.

It was well past midday, with the promises of evening in the horizon. The bulk of Shimabara's patrons were yet to arrive in full swing.

"Don't you think we should have come earlier?"

Kiri snorted. "Do ya think that Shio would have let you out any earlier? You're basically the only capable girl working there."

She got the attention of one of the guards and gave him a pleasant smile. "Hello, I am here to see Shiragi of Sumiya."

"Unusual of Shiragi-kun to have a woman caller, and so early in the day," the man chuckled. "Right this way."

The two young woman were lead down the street and gestured towards a pair of ornate brocaded curtains between a pair of unlit lamps.

"So this Shiragi...she's a friend of yours?"

Kiri's smile went taught. "A friend yes, but--"

An audible gasp was heard behind them, followed by a raspy voice. "Kiri-chan!"

Before she could respond, a youth dressed in simple yet geourgeous cloths had all but tacked Kiri to the ground in joy. "Oi--Shira--Careful now!"

"You hardly ever come to see me now! I though that my frogs voice had scared you off just like everyone else."

It was clear now, Shiragi was no woman, and that was starting to show. His mouth turned into a frown as he turned his face away.

"Shiragi--" she said almost scoldingly, "You know pouting never works on me."

His face snapped back to life in an instant. "I know but I figured it was worth a shot." The young man was still breath-takingly beautiful. He had to be if he expected to survive in a place like this much longer.

"You got my letter right?" Kiri stepped to the side, putting her hands on Kayu's shoulders. "I brought you a project."

"Oh yes of course!" Shiragi exclaimed, rushing forward to inspect Kayu's hair. "Not hopeless of course, but, I'm glad you came to me." He grabbed them by the hand and began leading them to the Oiran's quarters.

He sat her down on a set of embroidered cushions. Taking each pin and ornaments carefully out of her hair.

"Do you want it any shorter?" Shiragi asked.

"No...just even it out please."

"Sure thing." The young man said before sighing. "You certainly did a number on it, I'll say that much."

Kayu remained silent. The women around her continued to chatter, forming a warm haze about her.

"Evening everyone!" Unable to turn around immediately, she instead listened to the women's reactions to the newcomers.

"Kimigiku-san! Oh my! Who is this beautiful little thing?"

"I--...I'm..."

"Careful now, the little bird is a bit nervous." Kimigiku replied.

Shiragi brought the girl around next to Kayu. "But good heavens why? With a face like that, I'm sure she'd have every man at her feet!"

"Chizuru?" Kayu asked, the look of surprise on Chizuru's face mirroring her own.

Shiragi leaned down. "Do you two know each other?"

They both nodded slowly, Chizuru looked as if she was quickly becoming overwhelmed.

The other woman swarmed her just as they had Kayu earlier. "Oh Kayu, you must let us dress you up too! You and Chizuru will just be darling!"

"Uh--well!" Kayu stuttered.

The trainee Kohana pitched in. "It'll be no trouble, honest! With Shiragi-san having done your hair it's only natural!"

Seeing no real use in resisting, she gave her unenthusiastic response.

They finished combing out her hair, the beginnings of the elaborate costume of a trainee Oiran. Bit by bit they began layering in hair oil and pulling the strands up into a bun.

"So...uh, Kayu-san," Chizuru began quietly.

"Yes?" Kayu had to raise her voice slightly to be heard above the chatter.

"I'm...surprised...to see you in a place like this. "

"I could say the same for you." Kayu said with a grin.

She nodded nervously. "Harada-san was well-payed for a successful mission, so he's brought everyone out to celebrate."

"And they dragged you to a place like this?"

"Yeah..." She trailed off. "They meant well though, they told me to make sure I ate my fill and still enjoyed myself."

"But...how did you get roped into this?" She gestured to the flurries of women around her preparing her to don an elegant silk robe.

"Oh..." She blushed slightly. "I suppose Shinpachi and the others...thought it'd be funny to get me all dressed up like this..."

Funny? More like they're sick of her hiding her femininity in a place already so deprived of such graces.

"Shinpachi huh...." Her expression must have betrayed more than she intended because Chizuru reacted rather strongly.

"Oh--oh no-- it-- Shinpachi he--" the poor girl seemed to sputter helplessly. "He just---sees me as his little sister so--"

"I think I get it. Don't worry yourself over it."

"Okay..." Chizuru said, appearing to deflate as she relaxed.

Kimigiku finished her work with a flourish, allowing the other girls to marvel at her accomplishments.

"Very well. Now let us return, shall we?"

Chizuru nodded feebly, still in a daze.

Kayu moved to stop them.

"Wait, let me come with you. I have something that I want to see."

Kimigiku gave her a knowing glance. "By all means. Why not play a little joke on your...acquaintances."

Kayu bowed. "Thank you, Oiran."

"No need to thank me child. This will certainly be entertaining." She laughed brightly.

Kimigiku led her back to the room where the men were having their party. Chizuru trailed slightly behind, beyond unused to the okubo and the heavy kimono.

"Sumimahen!" Kimigiku called before opening the sliding door. She gave them her most dazzling smile. The two of them framed in the door way, pictures of elegance and grace.

"Hey, would'ya look at that!" Sano exclaimed, punching Shinpachi in the shoulder. "Kimigiku-san even brought us a friend!"

Shinpachi scowled, unable to hide his blush.

The Oiran gestured elegantly to the girl she brought with her. "This is my apprentice Kotoko. She will be helping me entertain you tonight."

"Please treat me well." Kayu said as she bowed, pitching her voice as high as she could to try and mask her usual dialect.

"Hey..." Shinpachi said, leaning foreword. The smell of alcohol on him was over-powering. She had to put extra effort into not showing her revulsion. "You look kinda familiar...have we met before?"

"I would think not. I only started my apprenticeship recently. I have yet to even make my debut."

"Well aren't we lucky--" Sano began. "To see such a fine beauty with her innocence intact."

Kayu shot the briefest of glares at the man, opting to turn back to the tray of drinks she was to serve.

"Now for the main event, gentlemen." Kimigiku said with a smile as she beckoned Chizuru to enter. Grateful for the distraction, Kayu took a pitcher of saké to serve the refills.

She hoped that they would all be too distracted by Chizuru to notice her. While Chizuru was still young, her elaborate costume was almost that of a wealthy and respected Taiyū.

Kayu was dressed in the still flashy but more understated garb of a maiko.

As silently as she could, she made the rounds, keeping her ears open as Kimigiku and Chizuru kept the room's attention.

"Thanks..." Heisuke almost slurred after she poured his drink.

"It is my pleasure."

Heisuke blinked suddenly. "Are you sure we haven't met?"

She cursed herself internally. She had momentarily slipped back into her Satsuma dialect.

"Yes, I am sure." She gave a delicate smile, piling the Kyōto accent on as thick as she could.

"Hey! Don't be hoggin' her all to yer self now!" Even though he seemed thoroughly drunk, Kayu was fairly chain that he swooped in on purpose.

"Aww, shuddap Sano!" Their brief argument allowed her to slip away and pour more drinks.

She decided to take a risk. It was the only way for her to get the answer she needed.

"More saké?" She asked, gracefully sitting next to Shinpachi.

"Y-yeah..." He slurred. Holding his cup out for her to fill.

"Now that I look closer..." He looked at her with a goofy grin. "I've never seen ya before. Her way prettier than any girl I have ever seen!"

"You are far too kind." She swallowed her bitterness, keeping up her act stubbornly. "I'm sure a handsome samurai like you has girls falling all over him. You must have a favorite here at the brothel, no?"

He shrugged dismissively. "Nah, Sano takes 'em all before I even get a shot." He sounded actually a bit genuinely bitter.

"You don't have one? Not a single girl you fancy?" She leaned over, placing a hand on his chest.

His expression continued to darken. "Nah. Even if I did, s'not like it would matter. The life I leave is t' dangerous to have a lady caught up in."

She pressed her lips together. "I am sure, if you found the right girl, she would understand."

"Yeah, but wha' kinda man would I be, leadin' her on jus' t' die?"

She opened her mouth to respond, but was cut off by a loud noise next to them.

"Allllllllrigh' everyone!" Sano stood up, foot on the table, his chest completely bare.

Heisuke burst out laughing. "Yeah! No night's complete without the Sano show!" He clapped his hands together in glee.

Shinpachi seemed to snap back to his usual self. "Hey! Kimigiku-san!" He called. "Get me some ink and a brush, will ya?"

She nodded in response. Just as she stood up, Kayu interjected.

"Allow me, Oiran."

Kimigiku nodded, allowing her to make her way out of the room.


	11. Candlelight

He almost didn't recognize her when he saw her again. It had been several weeks, but not nearly long enough for him to pass her by. "Evenin' Kayu..." Her hair was let down, it

looked like she had the ends evened out recently. "How was business today?"

Her dark silky hair swished almost ominously across her shoulders as she turned to face him. Her expression was flat. "It was well enough."

He was beyond surprised, she was usually so cheerful, despite her circumstances. But, perhaps...

"Wait, are you mad at me?" She simply continued busying about her work, closing and securing the shop for the night.

"No."

"Well clearly something's wrong." He said, slight frustration entering his voice.

"Oh I'm sorry. Am I being rude? Forgive me if I show my feelings when you bother me in the middle of my work." She dusted her hands and gave him a curt bow. "Now, if you'll excuse me." She turned to leave.

Shinpachi decided that he wouldn't have that.

He lunged forward, easily overtaking her slow careful stride. His hand latched around her wrist, as gently as he could manage. "Kayu can you please just tell me what's wrong?"

She grimaced. "Tell me Shinpachi, what am I to you?"

He stared at her in flushed silence for a moment.

"Am I...a sister to you?" She asked, her voice wavering lightly.

Shinpachi stood next to her listening with a concerned expression passing over his face.

"Am I...a potential wife, or just a...fling?" She looked at him finally.

"Why...why would you...think that?"

Her lips pressed into a thin line. "I'm sorry...just...the only men I've really known have been my brothers and my...my...suitors." The final word fell like a stone from her lips.

"I...I don't care about any of that, Kayu." He said with a grimace. "Don't compare me to some asshole Daimyō's son." He sighed, slumping slightly. "Kayu..." He ran his hand through his bangs. "I...I don't want ya to get the wrong idea about me..." He grimaced, "But..."

She braced herself for his reply.

He blushed. "Can we...can we go somewhere else to talk about this?" Even if the streets were mostly empty at that time, he didn't much like being in the open.

She nodded silently.

She led them through a curtained back entryway, down a hallway to what appeared to be an unused portion of the teahouse.

"As long as we don't make too much noise..." She checked around a corner. "No one should bother us."

Kayu entered first lighting the few lamps and dusting off a few places. They sat down across from one another at a low table still surrounded by cushions.

She sighed and then looked at him expectantly.

Shinpachi jerked, unable to face her gaze without blushing. He scratched his cheek and looked away. "Well, uhm..." He glanced back at her before sputtering and looking away again. The low light flickered against her pale skin, coloring her like a late-summer sunset. Her eyes seemed to glow with hues unknown to anyone but just the two of them.

"Well...I guess you don't think too highly of me...but..." He cleared his throat, hitting a fist on the table. He swore, continually losing his nerve. "Grah! I'm sorry...I'm just shit with words." He collapsed on the table in defeat, swearing again under his breath. He heard the slick rustling of fabric, and assumed that Kayu was leaving, instead he felt gentle hands draping something over his shoulders.

"Please...just say what you want to say. I'll listen."

Through the blanket she put over him, he could still feel her sitting extremely close. Without having to look her in the eye, perhaps he could say it.

"Kayu..." He murmured. "I get that you weren't treated well back home and...and I guess....I guess I just wanna prove t' you that I'm not like those other guys. I'm not gonna make you go back home, and I'm not gonna force myself on you either." He turned towards her. "You don't have to jus' be nice to me 'cus you think you owe me or somethin'...."

She shook her head. "Shinpachi. I'm not just being nice to you...you're the one who's been kind to me."

"Like I say! You don't have to owe me!"

"And I said it's not like that!" They looked at each other, cross and frustrated. "What, you think the only reason I'd be nice is because I'm indebted to you?! Don't you think there could be any other reason!?"

He frowned. "Well...I mean."

"Maybe it's because I like you!" She blurted, causing them to stare at each other in silence.

Shinpachi's face instantly went red. Kayu being the one to sputter uselessly this time. "Well, I mean---" She paused when she heard a warm laugh suddenly fill the air. She looked at him almost in awe for a moment. He was suddenly just how he always was. Smiling, listless, scratching the back of his head.

"Wait--this isn't funny!" She said crossly.

He managed to quell his mirth enough to give her a solid look. "I know it's not..." He grinned. "Ya just surprised me is all." He sat there, looking up at her with a peaceful expression on his face.

"Why...why are you...staring."

"Because...I..." He flushed again, biting his lip. His words as always were falling short and it frustrated him. "I..."

As always, he jerked suddenly, making his moved too fast for her to retaliate. Not that she wanted to, in this case. Before she knew it, his warm arms surrounded her. She was certain her face was bright red, so she pressed it against the collar of his shirt, letting her arms wrap around him too.

"I--" he began again.

She shook her head. "It's okay...Shinpachi, I-- I think I understand." She was still positioned slightly awkwardly in his lap, and she could feel them slipping downwards. She didn't mind. Shinpachi however seemed to be the one trying to keep them upright. Realizing this, her embarrassment suddenly got the best of her, and she released him falling awkwardly to his side. Shinpachi put his hand over his face, looking away as Kayu grabbed her kimono collar to keep it from slipping off her shoulder.

"Sorry...for uh...being so sudden...."

Kayu shook her head. "Don't apologize. I would have pushed you away if you had done anything wrong." She pushed a few stands away from her face and smiled.

"Oh!" Shinpachi said, suddenly remembering suddenly.

Kayu looked at him curiously as he fiddled with the pouches at his waist. "Here, uh--" he stuttered, pulling out a small wrapped object. "I...got you a gift."

Part of her hesitated. Half expecting it to be a jade comb or hair sticks. "Thank you." She took it anyway, registering its weight immediately. She unwrapped it carefully, gasping lightly at what she found. "It's...it's a...kaiken."

He nodded, scratching the back of his head. "Yeah...it's to...apologize...for the other day." He grinned. "Especially since it was your fancy tantō that got you in trouble to begin with..."

She gripped the sheath tightly. "I...it's.."

He waved his hands. "No need to thank me...I did...almost force you to back to your domain..."

"You know I don't blame you for that right?"

He blinked.

"I don't care that you almost turned me in. All I care about is that you didn't." She lost her nerve suddenly, unable to keep his gaze. She instead carefully drew the kaiken seeing

the delicately wrought steel glisten in the light.

"No one in their right mind will think you Satsuma if you have this." She turned it over, looking at the warm and understandpted colors used in the hilt. She could also just make

out the insignia of the head Matsumae clan smith engraved on the base of the hilt.

"They might instead just think I stole it."

"Oh...you're right."

She laughed at his sudden realization. "It's fine Shinpachi...I--it's wonderful. It's the best present anyone has ever given me." She slid the dagger carefully back into its sheath.

"Thank you." She then placed the blade carefully on the table and looked up at him.

"Hey...why are you...staring?" She smirked.

"...no reason..." He tore his eyes away, fighting to stave off the thoughts swirling in his mind. "Jus'..."

She waited with bated breath for his reply. Dread growing in her stomach.

"I just...I just remembered something." He pushed himself away, "I still need to prove that I'm not just a sack of shit, right?"

She grimaced, remembering the day of her near-capture. "Wait--" He stood up, placing her gently on the floor.

"Thanks for telling me what was wrong and not just brushing me off."

She looked up at him, wishing she could say more.

He patted her affectionately on the head. "I should get going. I'll see you around."

"Okay..." She said softly. "Be safe..." Her wish felt almost empty. Even after the clarification she wasn't entirely sure what their relationship was and where it was meant to lead.

What future could there possibly be for a fugitive princess and a Shinsengumi Captain?

 


	12. Anticipation

_Febuary 1867_

The months flew by and the changes in Kyōto were becoming more and more evident. The horror of the Hamagiri rebellion long behind them, it almost seemed as if the city was simply gearing up for more calamities. The Chōshu had been branded enemies of the court and, their once-rivals, the Satsuma seemed to be spiraling out of favor along side them.

Almost in spite of this, Shirodama was bustling more than ever. Rumor had it that the teahouse had been expanded to include private sitting rooms for a more separate and customized dining experience. While the intent was far from it, the customers could not help but further bring up the similarities between the establishment and its argued competitors beyond the walls in Shimabara.

While Kayu had protested, the customers were allowed to request individual servers. Kayu was by no means surprised when she found herself with a party of one to serve.  
Kneeling in front of the sliding door, she took a deep breath. "Pardon me," She called, opening the sliding door and keeping her head bowed in the direction of her patron.

"Hey, no need to bow yer head, okay?"

She blinked, allowing herself to look up. "Shinpachi-san!" She smiled despite herself, and stood up with her tray of drinks.

"What, don't tell me ya thought I was gonna be some dirty old man?" He laughed, a surprisingly hollow sound at this moment. He was clearly trying to hide from her the fact that something was wrong.

"I'm starting to think that tenchō hid your identity from me on purpose." She kneeled beside him, pouring some saké before handing it to him. His expression seemed to darker as soon as he brought the drink to his lips. "So, may I ask what brings you here alone?" She said cautiously.

He grimaced. "I got sick of Sano's shit is all. I just needed a break."

"Oh, you're not having a fight, are you?"

He chugged his drink, letting out a refreshed sigh before holding it out for a refill. "Nah...we've gotten in way worse fights over way less." He took a sip. "It's not him I'm mad at to begin with, it's things that neither of us can control...I guess I'm mostly pissed that those things are messing with the Shinsengumi..." He shook his head. "Sorry, there's uh...not very much I can tell you...specifically." He gave her a sheepish and apologetic look.

"That's fine, you don't need to be spilling military secrets for my sake." She waved her hand before pouring him another drink.

He nodded in thanks before drinking again. "I'm surprised though..." Kayu continued, sitting up after noticing that she had emptied the pitcher. "...surprised that you came...here."

He scowled. "What, are you sayin' that I should'a gone to Shimabara if I wanted a pretty girl to pour my drink?"

Kayu grimaced, wondering idly if would have called her pretty if he were sober.

He slammed his cup on the table. "That place ain't no fun without the guys..." His face fell momentarily. "I mean, I came here because I figured...that you'd still talk to me even if I wasn't paying you." Even while drunk he easily got embarrassed and wasn't able to look at her.

Kayu closed her eyes and massaged the bridge of her nose. "Honestly....I don't understand how you can be so genuine and yet so..." She cleared her throat, giving a hallow bow.

"I'll get us more drinks."

Shinpachi shook his head. "Nah...I'm fine," he gestured for her to sit down. "Anyway, I'd rather keep my head a bit longer." He gave her a roguish little grin.

She sat down next to him. Picking up the untouched cup she had poured for herself. "I'll be here as long as you want me to." She smiled. "You worry me, you know. You're always so cheerful...I won't know if you're upset unless you tell me." Her hands shifted in her lap. "I know I'm not much. I'm just a cowardly runaway princess."

With a grimace, he moved towards her suddenly, taking her chin in his hand.

She stared at him bewildered, waiting for him to speak. "I...I..." He shook his head. "I really don't like...seein' you insult yourself like that."

His eyes had started to dart to her lips, the alcohol seemingly granting him more confidence. He inclined his head and leaned closer, so close that she could smell his breath.

Her breath hitched in her throat. In anticipation of the unknown, she squeezed her eyes shut, making a rather unseemly face in the process.

"Hey, hey..." He murmured by her ear. "If you don' want me to touch you just tell me."

By his tone he was very clearly hurt. "Shinpachi...no I--" She placed her hands on his chest and leaned her head against his shoulder. "I'm just nervous, okay."

He sighed into her hair and wrapped his arm around her. "Don't be. I'm not drunk enough to do anything stupid..."

She gave a short laugh. "I know...I trust you..."

A sudden flicker of doubt entered his mind.

"Do you now?" He said with a weak grin. "What makes you so sure that I'm any different?"

"What?" She asked, pushing herself up to look at him.

"I mean, you're only nervous because other guys hurt you before right? So--"

She scowled at him, slamming her small fist against his chest. "You need me to explain it to you?"

He blinked, suddenly regretting his doubt.

"Just before you told me not to compare you to those guys, and now you're doing it yourself?" She scoffed in disbelief, looking down. "Shinpachi--" She pressed her lips together.

"If you're still worried, about...about proving yourself to me..." She shook her head. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said something like that." Her voice became soft and distant.

"No it's--"

"You don't need to prove yourself to me...not like...I just...I guess I'm just..."

"You just...?"

"What becomes of this? You could die any day, and...it's really only a matter of time before I--"

He grimaced. "I told you I'm gonna--"

"You're a samurai aren't you?" She said suddenly. "You're loyalty is to Kondō-san, you have no reason to--"

"Kayu!" He grabbed her shoulders.

She squirmed in his grasp. "No listen to me! I'm not just some ignorant girl!--"

"Is that what you think?! I'm not trying to--!"

She threw herself against his chest as hard as she could. Any other time she would have met only hard muscle, but his alcohol-weakened constitution caused him to tumble to the ground under her.

He looked up at her, beyond bewildered. Her hair had begun to come loose again and her anger had flushed her face.

Her fists clenched next to his head as she grimaced. "I know that I'm weak. I know that I could be taken or killed in an instant. But does that mean that I can't ever have anything that I want? Does that mean that the only way I can live a safe happy life is under the thumb of a man?" Hot wet tears began to fall from her eyes, landing on Shinpachi's face and sliding down his cheeks after they fell.

"You want to protect me, but never once have you told me 'you shouldn't think that' or 'that's not proper for a lady'." A smile spread across her face despite her tears. "You gave me a weapon that would draw less attention, instead of requiring me to depend on you... You know what that says to me?"

She sniffed, looking him directly in the eyes. "It says to me, that you actually care about me as a person, and not as just some object to supplement your life."

He held her gaze solidly.

"Am I wrong?" She looked down.

He shook his head weakly, reaching a hand to her chin. "Kayu, I--"

Almost in anticipation of his less than skillful words, she closed the distance before he could utter a reply. With no knowledge or experience, their teeth scraped painfully together for brief movements before Shinpachi seemed to grasp what was happening. He held the back of her head carefully, allowing her enough freedom to stop if she wanted to.

When she did, it wasn't because it was what she wanted, but because she knew it could not go on too far. Reluctant to leave immediately, she relaxed against his chest, resting her face against his neck. Tears continued to pool against his skin, and he stroked her hair in order to calm her.

"Hey...don't cry..."

She coughed wetly. "I'm sorry okay. I'm just...I'm happy but I--"

"But...?"

"I'm also just so scared."

He frowned, choosing not to press further. He held her as close as he could, letting her get the rest of her tears out. Even if it seemed sudden, he understood. It would be foolish for her not to be afraid. She had to constantly battle with her own helplessness. Something that, for him, was such a hopelessly distant memory. Even as a young boy, he had never had to fear so completely for his own safety and well being as she had to. He, at least, could wield a katana and fight off formidable foes. She, at best, could temporarily disable her assailants and hope to escape.

"Kayu...I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize..." She sniffed. "It just makes me feel more pathetic." She pulled away, straightening her kimono as she sat up.

Shinpachi's hand lingered for a moment more, letting it trail down the sleeve of her kimono. "...I should..."

"I know." She replied. Shifting herself on her lap, allowing him to leave. She kneeled carefully by the table, returning to the role of waitress in mere moments.

"Hey," Shinpachi began, "hey, stand up."

She blinked, and complied. Still looking down as he approached her. She was reminded suddenly of her comparatively diminutive stature. She frowned, still not looking up.

"Kayu..." He said softly, taking her chin gently in his hands. "Just remember, you are still a princess. You don't have to boy to anyone, much less me."

"You still don't get it do you. I didn't just run away from the marriage, I also ran away from being a princess." She smiled. "I'm just "Kayu." It's a name I chose for myself. I don't need anyone to bow to me."

He nodded almost solemnly. Something about her words seemed to resonate with him. "Alright, that's something I can agree with." He returned her smile. "I promise I'll see you again as soon as I can. but i really should go."

She nodded, looking down again briefly.

Just as she did, his hand returned to her face cupping her cheek and he placed a kiss against her forehead. He patted her head affectionately, and then turned to finally leave with a wave.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to at least imply it, but this is meant to take place around Aburano-Kouji, wherin Shinpachi has many a reason to get drunk. However, originally the inspiration for this scene, was in the game, a scene in Chapter 4 where Harada and Shinpachi come to vent to Chizuru about the Rasetsu, and Shinpachi gets pissed at Sano and leaves. This chapter is meant to take place directly after that.


	13. Faith

_December 1867_

In the midst of winter, snow covered the ground, only to be trampled into mud by mid-day. The people of the town donned extra lined clothes to protect against the cold. Kayu of Shirodama was no exeption. She stood in the doorway, drinking some tea to keep her warm. She gave a melancholic sigh, the streets were nearly empt. That day would be just another day of waiting  
Just as she was going to head back inside, an attractive young couple caught her attention.

She blinked. "Shiragi-san?"

Kiri stood before her, the incredibly beautiful kagema on her arm. He was as beautiful as a woman, but for the style of his hair and dress.

"A tea-room for two, please." He said brightly.

"Of course, sir."

She lead them inside, taking them directly to the back tea rooms. Allowing them to take their seats, she went to get their tea.

"I hope that you can sit with us," Shiragi gave her a dazzling smile.

Kayu however was unaffected. "If that is what you wish," she served their tea and took her seat gracefully across from them. "It's good to see you again, Shiragi-san, I never expected to see you outside of Shimabara."

"Well, soon enough, you won't see me there at all..." He said with an almost bitter smile. "It's been arranged for my debts to be settled. I'll be free from that place soon."

Kiri laughed. "It's almost disappointing, but...it's all for the best."

Choosing to avoid such a weighty subject, Kayu searched for something else to talk about.

"Say," Shiragi began, "Kiri-chan told me that you're seeing one of the Shinsengumi captains." He leaned his elbows forward on the table. "So tell me, what's he like?"

"I'm not..." She flushed.

"Now don't lie to us Kayu! You don't have to be ashamed!"

Kayu looked down. "I wouldn't know what you'd want me to say..." She muttered.

"Anything! That stunt you pulled at Sumiya was because you were afraid he was being unfaithful. So what happened?"

"Nothing...he just got drunk."

"Well that's good! Kimigiku really is a beauty, I wouldn't put it past him for falling for her!"

Kiri elbowed him in the side, giving him a stern look. "So...have you seen him much since then?"

Kayu shrugged. "He visited our shop almost two months ago. Other than, that, I've only glimpsed him on patrols."

They nodded solemnly. "You must be worried, with how violent things have been getting recently. And to think that one of their own, Harada, would have assassinated Sakamoto Ryōma."

"You're wrong!" Kayu burst out suddenly. "That's a filthy lie! Harada would never do such a thing! They said they found his sheathe at the scene, but he's a spear user! The nerve!"

Kiri and Shiragi looked at one another. "Sorry, Kayu, I shouldn't have repeated such a baseless rumor."

"It's fine...I of all people should know how terrible their reputations is..." Her fists clenched. "But...Harada-san is a kind man. He always looks out for his friends. He was always so nice to me...he more or less helped me and Shinpachi..." A light blush dusted her cheeks. "Shinpachi is incredibly loyal to his friends and to the people. All of them, I can't believe that they're jut a ruthless pack of murderers."

Shiragi nodded. "We believe you, don't worry."

Kayu sniffed, realizing that a small tear had started to form. She brushed it away, conjuring up a smile. "I'm glad that you believe be though. Most of the girls here think I'm crazy for associating with them. They've even started avoiding me."

Shiragi pressed his lips together before speaking. "Now don't you give them any mind. You stick to what you believe, and what you know to be true. I am sure that Nagakura-san above all else appreciates that you have so much faith in them."

Kayu nodded. "But, i don't think you understand. That rumour's really been getting to me..." She paused. "Harada-san has always been just so kind to me. He even...he's really the reason that Shinpachi-san and I have gotten to know one another." She smiled. "Shinpachi-san can be a bit foolish at times, and trips over his words easily when he's nervous." Her expression grew soft at the thought of his endearing sputtering. "But he's honest, and true to himself. "

Shiragi nodded to himself. "Well, any doubts that I may have had are calmed now. I'm glad. You seem really happy."

Kiri nodded in agreement. "I'll talk to the other girls, don't you worry. They shouldn't bother you anymore."

"Thanks Kiri." She smiled. "Thanks to both of you."

●●●

 

Returning to the Sugimura estate that evening, she was surprised to see a certain head band wearing samurai waiting for her at the gate.

"Shinpachi?!" She exclaimed.

"Hey don' give me that look! Ya said I could come by any time, right?"

She frowned, angry tears welling up in her eyes. "I haven't heard from you in over a month! I was sure that you had been killed!" She darted forward, pounding her fists fruitlessly against his chest.

His voice reverberated through her, and she let herself relax against him for a moment. "I've been...scared. What with all this...Satchō business and...and the new imperial rule."

She looked up at him. "What does it mean? What's happening to the shogunate what's--" the look she gave him finished her statement for him.

"Don' worry about it. All you need to worry about is staying safe."

She shook her head, jerking away from him. "Don't you dare start sounding like my father. Yes, you can protect me, but don't shelter me. I still want to know what's going on!"

Her eyes darted away. "I want to know if...if the people I care about are in danger...I know, I won't be able to do anything but..."

Shinpachi gave a short laugh. "Okay, I think I get it." He walked toward her again, placing a hand on her chin. "I promise I won't hide anything from you just..." He nodded towards the house where a woman stood looking vaguely concerned. "I'll make sure to find a better time for it--" He broke away from her and bowed towards the woman.

Kayu did the same before running towards her to explain the situation. After which the woman's face changed drastically, becoming friendly and welcoming. He took that as a cue to walk up the estate's gate.

"My, my Nagakura-kun..." The woman said warmly. "I don't believe I've seen you since your mother and I were nursing our children together..." She pinched his cheek gently. "I'm not surprised that you grew up to be such a strong and handsome man."

"O-oi..." He flushed slightly in embarrassment, causing Kayu to giggle.

Chiyo laughed gently. "I'm not sure if you remember my daughter Kiri, but the two of you used to play as children."

Shinpachi scratched the back of his head. "Yeah, she manager at the tea right? I thought she seemed familiar..."

"Unfortunately, she takes most of her meals at the teahouse with her husband, so does Kiri, but, you can still meet Kiyohiko, and I know that my husband will be beyond pleased to see you."

They entered the house and were lead to the sitting room. Chiyo bowed herself out and left them to themselves for a few moments.

"I'm terribly sorry," Chiyo said as she peeked her head through. "My husband has been called away on sudden buisness so I must help him prepare."

"Ah, don' sweat it!" Shinpachi said with a bright smile. "I was the one who showed up unannounced, so it's no trouble."

"The food is ready though, Kiyohiko is in the dining room now."

●●●

  
The meal was eaten mostly in silence. Shinpachi unabashedly eating his fill with relish. He gave his thanks for the meal in his typical booming tone. Despite Kiyohiko's somewhat smothering presence, she couldn't help but smile.

After their dishes were put aside, Kiyoshiko's duo drawl broke the silence. "Kayu..." Kiyohiko said, his eyes falling over her slowly. "You're not wearing the comb I gave you, do you not like it?" His fingers had barely neared her hair before she slapped the hand away.

"Sugimura-san I've told you not to touch my hair. Please respect that." She gave him a dark look, her movements slow and controlled.

Kiyohiko narrowed his eyes, tensing as if to move towards her again.

Shinpachi moved suddenly, slamming his hands on his thighs. "Kayu!" He exclaimed, causing her to start.

"Y-yes...?"

"You said you'd show me around the place." He stood up and walked over to grab her by the arm. "Let's go."

Kayu scrambled to her feet, not daring to glance back at Kiyohiko, who she imagined could not be entirely pleased.

"Excuse us." She said quietly as she bowed out of the room, Shinpachi slamming the sliding door shut behind him.

"Seriously!" Shinpachi grumbled as they walked out of earshot, letting her arm go eventually. "What's with that creep? I'd think that old man Yoshi would raise a better kid than that."

Kayu looked down. "He's actually not Sugimura-dono's real son."

"Eh?"

"Kiri is their only child. Kiyohiko is the son of one of Sugimura-dono's brothers, and Shio is Chiyo's niece. Although they technically adopted Shio's husband Shōtarō as their heir, Kiyohiko is the one studying under him."

"That's...nice of them."

"They are actually trying to pass me of another one of their nieces, Chiyo's maiden name is Ido."

"Yikes that's complicated."

She laughed. "I thought, you being a samurai's son, would be more than used to all this."

"Yeah that may be the case, but..." He scratched the back of his head. "I dunno I guess it always just bothered me how titles seem to be more important than people."

She nodded. "It's pretty clear what Kiyohiko wants with me. I want to be a part of the Sugimura family. They've been more of a family to me that I've ever known before," she looked down. "But..." She sighed, "I'm hoping he'll just return to Edo and find a wife there."

Shinpachi grunted. "You out-rank him don't you? If you told him to back off he would."

She grimaced. "I may be of the samurai class, but that doesn't mean..." She shook her head. "You may be right, but my father never gave me the opportunity to use any of that power." She stopped after she realized where her feet had taken her. Her eyes fell on the closed sliding door, the light of the setting sun still glowing through the screens.

Deciding not to make note of it, Kayu slid the door open and led him inside.

Setting out a few sitting cushions, she spoke again. "You promised...didn't you? I want to know more of what is going on."

Shinpachi's shoulders slumped and he sat cross-legged across from her. "You won't believe how much I wish I could just tell you everything." He lifted his eyes to her and saw that she was looking away. "Well, actually...I did come here to tell you something."

Looking back at him, she tilted her head to the side in inquiry. He could also see her lips press together in anticipation.

He placed his hands on his knees and looked directly at her. "I'm telling you to go. Leave Kyōto." His eyes took on the fierceness that she so rarely saw. He was resolute, determined. "It's gonna go to shit really fast." He leaned forward, hands gripping his knees. "The imperial army isn't gonna have any mercy on us, or anyone who gets in their way."

Kayu shifted her feet under her. "Shinpachi..." Her mouth remained pressed in a thin line. "I thought you said you were going to protect me."

Shinpachi swallowed hard. It was astonishing how she could shake his resolve to the core with little more than a few words.

"Yeah, I did, and it's not like I'm gonna break my promise!" He leaned forword with a scowl.

Kayu didn't break her gaze, seeing the conflicted emotions flicker across his face.

He leaned back, hands gripping his thighs as he sighed in exasperation. "Kayu--"

"And...even if I wanted to leave, where would I go? Sugimura-dono is a doctor. He's made it very clear that he won't leave..."

"You can find a way can't you? You escaped the Satsuma on your own right?"

She bit her lip, looking down suddenly.

"Come to think of it, you've never told me that story..."

A small sardonic grin bloomed on her face. "Honestly...I shouldn't have made it. I was foolish and ended up being caught."

Shinpachi looked at her with mounting curiosity, observing her shift in expression. "There are...men, known among the Satsuma only as...'The Demon Clan'."

He started, trying his best to hide his surprise.

"...after meeting them...I understood the title..." She gulped. "There was a group of rōnin that found me first...and--" she looked away. "Forgive me if I never act shocked whenever I see you and the others in action..." With a huff of resolve, she met his gaze again. "I've already seen the work of a true monster."

Shinpachi kept her gaze with a nod of understanding. "Tell me...did you catch his name?"

"The other...the tall quiet one with the beard...he called him, Kazama."

Shinpachi couldn't keep from swearing. After he realized that this had stopped her, he quickly motioned for her to continue.

"It still chills me to the bone...the very thought of him..."

"What did he want from you?" The edge of his voice beginning to harden into anger.

"Nothing..." She said, the disbelief seemingly still lingering upon her. "I was sure that he would make me return; it was painfully obvious who I was but..." She shrugged. "He just let me go...and when I challenged him, he answered me in indifference. Saying that he had orders to kill the rōnin and had been given no such orders concerning me."

Shinpachi grimaced. "The last guy I ever want to be grateful to is that son of a bitch..."

She had no desire to ask about their involvement, thinking about the man was unpleasant enough for her. She eventually forced a bitter laugh from her trembling throat. "Sorry to disappoint, I'm not nearly as gallant as you thought, am I?"

He shook his head. "Stop that. You are such a brave woman."

It was silent as they stared at each other for a moment. The look on his face gave indications as to what he wanted to do. He placed a hand gently on her cheek, and she let her eyes fall closed.

But he did not move.

Instead his voice came in a hot breath against her cheek.

"...I should go now...there's only so many times I can break curfew..." His eyes and hands left her, leaving her feeling cold.

"...of course..." She said, forcing a small smile.

He gave her an apologetic look, before making his exit through the garden door behind him. He left the screen open just enough for her to see his back illuminated by the moon as he walked away.

With little else to do, she decided to find Chiyo and see if there was anything she could do to help.

Just as the door to her room slid shut in front of her, a chilled voice could be heard from just behind her.

"That isn't incredibly proper now is it? Allowing him to call upon you so late."

Kayu scowled. Refusing to turn around. "Do you need something?"

"You shouldn't lead him on like that," he darted forward to grab her wrist.

"What do you mean?"

"There is already someone to be your husband."

She snarled at him. "Sugimura-san!" In a moment his hands were on her like a vice grip, constricting her arms and sealing her mouth shut.

"You're very beautiful you know, even more so like this."

Kayu squirmed violently thrashing against his wiry frame. He let her go for a moment only grab her hair. She cried out, reaching for her kaiken as he moved to mute her again.

"Stop...moving!"

"No!" She shrieked, painting a line of red with the silver blade. The screams becoming too loud to ignore.

His gaze became that of pure outrage and anger. "How dare you?! HOW DARE YOU REFUSE ME!?"

He thrust himself at her, grabbing her shoulders and shaking her against the tatami. Kayu made sure to look limp and pitiful and drop her knife just as another voice joined the fray.

"What on earth is going on here?!" Yoshimasa bellowed.

Kayu screwed up her face, letting tears fall. She squeezed her eyes shut, waiting for Kiyohiko to be dragged off of her.

"I know that you have seen her as a potential wife since she arrived, but this is unacceptable! Despite her disguise she is high-born! You cannot disgrace her this way!"

"Oh, I can't disgrace her?" He wiped the blood from his mouth. "And so it's fine if she disgraces herself!?" His eyes were wide as he gestured wildly to her. "How can you overlook this? Her bringing her lover into the house after all I've offered her!"

Kayu had begun to sit up, straightening her kimono. "He's not just my lover."

The two men turned to her.

"He's my betrothed. We're engaged. " She held up the knife after wiping it with her sleeve, "This gift is a token of his intentions."

They stared at the knife. "That's...Nagakura-sama's..." Yoshimasa breathed.

Kayu stood up, staring them down. "He wanted to be the one to tell you first and ask permission. But, he made his intentions clear to me with this gift and told me that he wanted to know the place I called home."

She knelt to the the ground, bowing her head to Yoshimasa. "Yoshimasa-dono...can you please forgive me for not being honest with you?"

"N-no...Kayu dear it's alright. Raise your head, please."

Kiyohiko, largely ignored now, turned to fume out of the room. "You, I will see you in my study. There are things I must discuss with you."

His eyes turned soft as he looked at her once more. "Worry not dear, I assure you that Kiyohiko will no longer bother you. All though I am happy for you, you know that I cannot accept this as your guardian until after he has come to me officially."

She bowed her head in thanks as she watched them leave, returning quietly to her room.

"Now...how to tell Shinpachi that we're engaged..." She mused. "I'll tell him when I see him next." She smiled to herself, wondering at his almost certainly comical reaction. She hoped that he wouldn't be angry though. It was a strange dream for her to have, especially since marriage is what she had been running from.


	14. Promise

_January 1868_

  
  
Even though the Shinsengumi had been assigned within the city proper, they were almost exclusively holed up in and around the Fushimi Magistrate's office. Her vain hopes of seeing Shinpachi more often were dashed as more and more military began gathering in the city.

The officials had issued a full evacuation of the city. Kayu and a Shio remained to secure the shop as best as they could.

Having locked the back doors and cleared out the rest of the employees and customers, Shio rushed to get her and Kayu to safety.

"Kayu," Shio said sharply. "We have to go now!"

"You go on ahead!" She cried, "You have someone else to look out for too." She nodded towards the older woman's slightly bulging stomach.

"I'll secure the money and I'll be right behind you."

"Make that a promise." While her face seemed severe, genuine kindness and concern leaked through her stern mask.

"I promise." Kayu assured. "Now hurry up, get out of here!"

Shio nodded and disappeared out of the shop with the fleeing crowd.

It was too late when the fighting started. The world around her seemed to begin shaking apart as cannon fire was released in volleys. There wasn't even a crowd to guide her as most of the citizens had already fled at the first sight of assembling soldiers.

She ran to a path she thought would lead her out of city. But to her shock she found it crudely barricaded and blocked off. No soldiers were there but she saw ominous Satsuma banners. She backed away, ready to bolt and find an alternate route

_"You!"_

She heard a raspy voice scream from behind her. With one look, she saw a bloody and bedraggled Yamamoto panting heavily, having just escaped a smoldering wreckage. He paced towards her, all sense of refinement and control lost just as pieces of his carefully-wrought sword started to fall away.

Even as the shattered blade fragmented, he was still a very real threat. With her back against an alleyway, Kayu drew her kaiken.

"Sorry to break it to you...but that knife won't save you. Your bounty will make me a rich man."

"Tell me, that bounty requires me alive, doesn't it?" In a swift motion, she placed her knife against the soft flesh of her neck. In the end, she was a samurai woman, this in the end was her final duty. "I will not return while I am still breathing. I will die with my honor as a samurai."

He scoffed. "What? Just because you fell out of some samurai's whore doesn't make you one too. You're missing one too many parts, I'm afraid."

"Another step and I--"

"Do it girly," he sneered, lurching forward just in time to catch a swallow slash across his throat. He clutched uselessly at his wound, not deep enough to be immediately fatal, but enough to halt him in his tracks. As he stumbled she raised her blade again, prepared to end it.

Before she could, she found her vision dotted again with red.

Yamamoto's final breath flew from his lips in a burst of crimson. He went pale and limp before she could even see the blade that killed him. The man, barely more that a dark silhouette in the late evening sun, didn't even bother to sheath his blade.

He only stood there breathing heavily.

"Shinpachi!" She exclaimed, lurching towards him without thinking. He looked almost crazed, desperate and defeated. The battle must not be going well on his end.

"Kayu..." He breathed "you...you'll..." She shook her head, not caring that blood was now staining her clothes too. "You're alive..."

He grunted, unsurprisingly giving her no warning before throwing her over his shoulder.

She gripped at the back of his haori, pulling at the once-white tasuki. There was blood, dirt and the stench of gunpowder. She desperately wanted to plug her ears and block out the sound of cannon fire and the screams of death, but she couldn't. She could on hold on as best she could.

Shinpachi brought them to boarded-up old teahouse in a place still shut down from the Hamaguri rebellion. The shop was abandoned, but seemingly far enough from the fighting to keep her safe for a while. He let her down against a wall, not moving back immediately so that they remained quite close for a moment.

The only sound heard was his heavy breathing as he stayed there, are against the wall above her head.

She glanced up at his eyes, usually so cheerful and full of life, but now.

"Shinpachi..." She whispered, touching his cheek gently. "I'm here...I'm alive." She did her best to reassure him. He seemed to be trying to draw away.

"I...I have to..." He muttered, "...the battle...my men."

She shook her head. "Not yet." She grabbed him by his ornate necklace and slammed his lips against hers in a fashion that was far from skillful.

He seemed almost reluctant, out of duty and obligation.

He tasted bitter, like iron and blood. She didn't mind though, he still felt warm. He lifted her by the waist, pressing up up against the wall so that she was at his level. For a few brief moments they were so incredibly close. Her fingers knotted in his hair, and his hands seemed to be tugging in frustration at her obi.

But they knew it could not go on.

He released her with almost a melancholic gasp for air, unwilling to distance himself immediately. He caressed her face and looked her straight in the eyes. "I'm gonna survive this war. Doesn't matter how long it takes me. Promise that I'll be able to find you when it's over."

She nodded, flustered and out of breath, she didn't trust herself to form words.  
In the night the Shinsengumi had been forced to retreat. As she had feared, there was now next to no way for her to contact Shinpachi. All she could do was wait for his return and pray for his safety.  
The thought of it made her stomach burn.

●●●

 

Days later, Kayu sat at Chiyo's bedside. Dabbing her forehead with moist rags. At her age, she would be lucky if her fever even broke before it took her life.

"Kayu..." The woman uttered with a strained smile.

"Chiyo-san..." She chided gently. "Don't speak, you need to rest."

Chiyo shook her head. "Don't worry about me...what about you? Have you heard from...?"

Kayu shook her head gravely. "The last we heard all of the Shogunate's forces were being driven north."

"He's a strong one, that Shinpachi, I'm sure he broke every single bone in his body before he even reached the age of ten."

She said, a nostalgic look on her face.

"Yes, but this is war. We all know how unpredictable it is."

Chiyo's eyes grew distant as she sighed. "You're still so young. You have so many chances to be happy..."

"Chiyo-san..."

The door behind them slid open. "Kayu..." A voice said softly. It was Kiri, looking far from her usual energetic self. "It's all right. I can take over from here."

Kayu opened her mouth to protest, but quickly thought better of it. It was increasingly likely that the older woman would not recover, and she could not blame Kiri for wanting to have as much time with her mother as possible.

After bowing herself out, Kayu stood and found herself standing face-to-face with Shio. Her arms were crossed, but her expression was a rare shade of melancholy. Kayu had yet to even offer pleasantries before the woman spoke.

"I wonder if she's going to tell her."

"What?"

"Kiri is selling herself to be with that boy-whore Shiragi." Shio said with grief-tinged disdain.

"...what do you mean?"

"Shiragi found himself a patron, a wealthy old merchant of bushi rank." She placed a hand to her face. "He is having the boy work a teahouse, but, it's not like he could do it alone."

Realization slowly crossed Kayu's face.

Shio gave her a grave look. "She's choosing to become that man's mistress just to stay with that boy."

Kayu looked down in shock. Not knowing what to say.

"She was the last hope for our family. My husband won't take over the line. She was supposed to marry someone who would."

Shio looked into the middle distance, her brows creased, eyes clouding over.

After a brief silence, Kayu spoke up. "Well...there's me." She said slowly.

Shio narrowed her eyes slightly. "Are you saying you're willing to marry some loser second-son for the sake of this family? Isn't that what you left your home to avoid?"

Kayu shook her head. "I'm not just gonna marry some random guy. Remember? Yoshimasa thinks I'm engaged to Shinpachi." She blushed slightly. "If he survives this, I'm sure he wouldn't be opposed to..."

Shio gave a light scoff. "Well, first things first, you need to pass yourself off as a member of the family. You could officially pretend to be Kiri in order for Shinpachi to have any real legal rights."

"That's funny though. Wasn't it originally planned for Kiri to marry Shinpachi anyway?"

"Yes, but that's when they were kids. That was before he left his domain and title."

"Then it's perfect." Kayu said. "I'll ask Yoshimasa about it when he returns."


	15. Return

_May, 1870_

Her tray of empty glasses clattered to the ground, nearly drowning out her shocked gasp.

"Tenchō! What is it?"

"Go back, Mino. Everything is alright." She stepped in front of the young server. "I have everything under control here. Go on home, please, you deserve it."

Mino nodded, glancing briefly behind her manager before doing as she was told.

Kayu turned back to the doorway with a steadying breath. The man who stood there was beyond unmistakable. His hair was longer, yes; and his clothes were foreign, but it was still him. The strange western clothes framed him well as if he were still wearing his old traditional ones.

He slumped against the frame of the door, a man defeated. Without a word, she placed her soft hands to his face, willing him to look at her. His eyes, once so bright and full of life; now seemed to only look at the world beyond.

She never expected to see him again. All that she heard was that the Shinsengumi had been destroyed. Their commander executed, and the rest fallen in battle. Her body acted on its own, pulling him into her arms, not caring if anyone saw.  
"Shinpachi..." She breathed into his neck. He was limp in her arms, but he was still there. Alive. "Come on..." She encouraged, pulling an arm over her shoulder. He complied, if slumping against her could be counted as such.  
With effort, the two of them made their way to the back of the teahouse where she had her temporary residence as the new live-in manager.

She closed the door to her quarters, needing only to listen as Shinpachi collapsed on the futon. There were so many things she wanted to ask, so many things she wanted to say. In lieu of using words, she instead decided to give him what he probably lacked the most of.

"I missed you." Kayu knelt besides him, taking his hand gently. He turned his face towards her, gripping her hand weakly in an effort to say: I missed you too.

She sat by him, relishing in his presence as if it were any of the other times they had been together. Those days, they numbered far too few. And now felt as distant as an old daydream.

She stroked her free hand along his jaw, resting her hand in his tousled hair. "You don't have to tell me anything yet..." She said, "but please...just...just let me hear your voice again." Her voice cracked, failing her after all.

He shifted towards her, as close as he could manage.

"Ka...yu..." Her name was hardly more than a sigh on his lips. His hand tightening his grip on around her fingers.

"I'm here...Shinpachi." She couldn't help but smile when she saw his face begin to light up like it used to.

He cracked a grin. "I know...but I still can't believe it." She replied by giving his hand a squeeze. "I mean..." He continued,

"just when you think someone's always gonna be there...next thing you know, they're gone for good." The unimaginable weight of his grief started to become clear in his words. "Kondō-san...Hijikata...Saitō, Heisuke, S-sano..." He broke for a moment, grasping at her kimono with his other han. "...Chizuru...who knows what horrible fate found her. She wasn't a warrior. She never asked for this."

"Chizuru..." She muttered. "Tell me, in the end, was Chizuru being forced to stay against her will?"

He shook his head.

Kayu continued. "She wanted to stay, didn't she? I even dare say she fancied someone among the Shinsengumi."

He gave a bitter laugh. "Is that supposed to make me feel better? If she wanted love she should have looked elsewhere.

Plenty of nice guys that won't get her killed out there."

Kayu frowned. "I...I don't think that's fair...Shinpachi. If she loved Heisuke, and he loved her..."

"Wait...how did you--"

"Well...she never told me outright but..." She gave a weak laugh. "It was beyond obvious...really."

He grimaced. "But...didn't you hear about..."

"About what?"

"Heisuke."

"What do you mean?"

He grimaced. "Aburano-kōji...that night...I guess, the news didn't get very far."

"What? Did something happen to Heisuke?"

The dark look on his face gave her pause. "Listen, Kayu, I have a lot of things that I need to tell you...in time. I swear I'll tell you everything."

She nodded. "I understand, you don't..."

Without warning, he jerked on her arm, letting her fall into his chest. "I don't...I don't want to think..."

She gripped his shirt and nodded. "I know..." She let herself lay there for a few moments. Wishing she could just relish for a bit longer before she had to face the reality of the situation.  
"...we can't actually stay here."

He sighed. "I figured..."

"We don't have to go now--"

He shook his head, starting to sit up. "Let's go. I don't want to stay here either. "

She stood up with him, straightening his shirt reflexively. "We'll go to the Sugimura house. I just need to close up here."

He nodded. "Got it."

"Just wait outside. We need to get you cleaned up once we get back."

He gave her a sheepish grin before complying.

●●●

 

As she suspected, Yoshimasa was still away on his business. Even so, Chiyo greeted him as if he were her own son.  
Inside, she brought him to the bathing room and began to heat the water. "I can get you a robe to change into and some--" she forgot all words when she caught sight of him again. Due to the way he usually dressed, the sight of his bear torso was not the shocking part.

She gasped. "Shinpachi!"

"What?"

She glared at him, twisting the cloth she held in her hands. "You idiot! You could die if you don't tend your wounds!"

He seemed to react more to her distress than to the condition of his own body. "I'm fine Kayu--"

"I just got you back, I am not losing you again!"

He waved his hands, trying to calm her down. "It's okay! Kayu, I'm fine! D-don't--"

"Just shut up and let me treat you." She threw cloth towels at him angrily as she walked to get her supplies. He watched her, sadness building up inside of him. He hated seeing her so upset over him. He knew that things wouldn't be smooth immediately. There would certainly be more pain and troubles to come.

He complied, stripping off his filthy clothes and leaving them in a pile. He wrapped the towel around his waist as securely as he could manage. He set his mouth in a thin line as thoughts started to cloud his mind. Sano's pesky voice kept incessantly entering his mind.

'Don't screw this up. Just control yourself for a little while longer.'

A bitter laugh began to bubble to the surface just when Kayu returned. She began dipping her cloth in to the bowl she brought, wiping the caked dirt away from the red gashes on his back.

"I'm just getting the ones that are tough for you to reach. Then I'll let you bathe the rest on your own."

She felt him tense up as if to respond.

"Yes?"

"Uh--n-nothing just..." He frowned, searching for the words. "Jus' just don't go too far, okay?"

She gave a gentle smile. "Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere." She assured, wiping the rest of the muck from his back and shoulders. "I'll be just outside. Let me know when you're done, I'll dress your wounds."

"Mmn." He appeared almost completely lost in thought, so she left him to it.

She slid the door shut, leaning her head against the frame. She couldn't help but listen as intently as she could. Every little sound and noise was further proof that her months of waiting was at an end.

When she drifted back to consciousness, she was being carried in his warm and still slightly damp arms.

"Shin...pachi..."

"Hey," he said, almost normally.

"There's...there's an extra futon...in the adjoined room..."

He nodded.

She yawned. "Let's...lets just get some rest tonight."

He squeezed her shoulder gently in response before setting her down on her futon. She sat up, watching him go into the empty adjoining room. While she wasn't surprised at what he did, she was still annoyed. Without another word, she picked up her futon and dragged it over to his side, he looked at her in surprise.

"You don't have to hold back for my sake." She said as she set out the blankets. "I promised that I wouldn't go far..."

Shinpachi's face went red from ear to ear. "Y-yeah...but..." He looked away.

"I'm worried you know."

He grunted, lying down on his futon with a jerk. "Jus'..."

"I know." She wasn't exactly sure what she knew but she just wanted to reassure him. "Goodnight."


	16. Warmth

The sunlight filtered through the windows, dressing their sleeping forms in gentle light. Kayu shifted slightly, gently rousing Shinpachi from his dose. He hadn't truly slept. He was just glad that the nightmares hadn't shaken him awake. He didn't want Kayu to have to share in his pain.  
His hand rest in her hair, his thumb gently stroking along her cheek.

Her eyes fluttered open, and her face broke into Shinpachi.

"You didn't..." She reached for his face. Stroking his jaw and neck.

"You really missed me that much?" He murmured.

"Of course I did...." She rolled up against him, putting her arms around his neck.

He rolled on to his back allowing her to sprawl across his chest. She buried her face in his neck and let out a deep sigh.

"You didn't sleep last night, did you?" She trailed her fingers down his sides. "I can feel how tense you are."

He grimaced. "I'm fine..." He sat up, running a hand roughly through his hair.

She scowled at him. It didn't seem very likely that he would open up to her quite yet, so she got herself up to get ready for the day.

After changing into fresh clothes, the two of them made their way to the kitchen where they were greeted with the warm aroma of Chiyo's home cooking.

Kayu couldn't help but notice how Shinpachi seemed much more at ease, now that he was wearing Japanese clothing again.

While his western garb, certainly...suited him, she also liked how unconventionally he wore the loose kosode.

"Good morning." Chiyo greeted them with a warm smile as she washed rice in the kitchen.

"Good morning, Chiyo-san." He nodded, returning her smile.

The doctor Yoshimasa walked around the corner, and greeted them warmly.

"Yoshimasa-dono," Kayu said quietly.

"Yes, dear?"

She looked quickly to Shinpachi, making sure he was fully occupied with talking to Chiyo.

"A moment, please?"

She beckoned him outside to the hall for a word.

"Yes? What is it."

"It's not entirely urgent, I just don't want to discuss Shinpachi's...condition in front of him."

Yoshimasa nodded, gesturing for her to continue.

"His physical injuries, while serious, are not immediately threatening. However, it is clear that he is very mentally traumatized."

He gave a grave nod.

"So, I would like to ask your permission to use the special treatment clinic near the hot springs in the mountains. I really think...he needs some time away from things to fully recover."

Yoshimasa gave her a knowing smile. "And I trust that you will be there to...accompany him, correct?"

A pink tinge entered her cheeks. "Yes. I assure you that I will take the utmost care of him."

"And I do not doubt that." He continued to smile. "He is your fiancé, after all."  
"Yeah...about that..."

A sudden voice came from behind them. "Oi!" Shinpachi called. "Food's ready, ya gonna make us wait for you?"

"We're coming!" Kayu called, striding quickly back into the kitchen.

●●●

 

Kayu lifted her travel hat, keeping an eye up to shield her from the sun's rays. "You can stop moaning, we're here."

"Oi...it's not my fault it's so damn hot out." Shinpachi replied. 

"It's Kyoto in summer. What did you expect?"

He scowled, also removing his hat as they moved into the shade of a willow grove.

The place hardly looked like a clinic, it looked more like a cottage for a young couple.

"This was the house that Yoshimasa's grandfather built for his wife and new-born son. He uses it occasionally for patients requiring special care." She began. "It features both indoor and outdoor baths and fully flexible indoor spaces." She smiled at him. "And it's our temporary home."

'Temporary?'

He thought. It would be a dream if they could make this their permanent home together.

It was already late afternoon by the time they had settled in and eaten. Kayu never considered herself a particularly skilled cook, it was certainly edible. And after half a day of walking in the sun, that's all he needed. The whole time, he had done his very best to keep up his sprints, to relish in the warmth of her presence, but his heart seemed to be still too heavy to be so easily lifted.

Her calm gentle voice rose to break him form his thoughts.

"Are you feeling alright, Shinpachi?"

He shrugged. "I mean, I'm still really sore...and I guess my wounds still ache..."

She nodded "Let's go change your bandages, at the very least then." She said, leading him to the bathing room.

The room was surprisingly spacious. The whole floor was tiled with slick stones, a large inset bath a few feet from a sliding wax paper door.

The water flowed from the natural hot spring outside, filling the whole room with steam.

Kayu grabbed a set of medical supplies and gestured for him to sit down. To her delight, all of his wounds had closed up nicely, the swelling having already gone down significantly. "Actually," Kayu began, "I think it would be best to let your wounds air out a bit." She pulled his collar back up, re-tightening the knot on his sash. "Maybe you could take a bath later, the water here is very pure."

Before she could fully face him, his chest was pressed against her and back against the slick stone tile.

Shinpachi's expression was that of a broken man. The extent of the grief he felt could not be fully conveyed with words. She lifted a hand to cup his cheek.

"Shinpachi," she said quietly. "You can cry. It's alright."

He shook his head. Words remaining sealed behind his lips. Turning white with pressure.

He brought his hands to her face and stared at her for several long moments.

"I want to believe." He said bleakly. "I want to believe that you'll keep your promise." He grimaced, "but that isn't up to you, is it?" Moisture began building up at the corners of his eyes. "You could get killed by a rōnin, die in an accident, get an illness," a shrill choked sob clawed its way out of his throat.

"I know Shinpachi. The same is true for you."

He began to convulse in uncontrollable sobs. "I know-- I know--! I-- and I--" He gained enough composure to look her straight in the face. "And I can't stand that! I don't want to ever leave you alone. I don't ever want to make you cry."

"Then don't." She grabbed the back of his head and kissed him firmly. He tasted a little like salt and iron.

His hands trailed down her neck, loosening the collar of her kosode. She lifted herself off the ground to help him. He traced down the length of her sleeves and grabbed ahold of the hems. She thrust herself up, allowing the garment to peel off her. He rose to sit on his haunches with her flush against him, scarcely even breaking for air.

He ran his hands along her obi, looking for the knot to untie it. He hadn't even started before she had his completely undone and pulling his robe off. She guided him to lie on his back with her straddling him. She undid her obi quickly, as well as the other little ties that kept her kosode in place. She let the cloth linger like a blanket as she pressed their lips together once more.

She let out an involuntary moan, her hips locking into place against his. He still wore his fundoshi and neither party were particularly fond of that fact. Nearly all rational thoughts had left her. She lunged forward, causing her robe to be fully discarded. The rush of cold air against her back caused her senses to return to her momentarily. She stopped in her tracks. Her eyes wide and her mouth slack.

Shinpachi opened his eyes, wondering why she stopped.

"K-Kayu?"

Her face flashed to a brilliant crimson. Her arms flying to cover her chest. She threw herself off of him in a bout of sudden embarrassment and realization. She rolled away submerged herself in the tiled bath as if to try and escape her deviant thoughts.

"Kayu!" His voice was muffled by the water in her ears. She slapped her face to try and rid herself of these intense and foreign feelings. She had completely lost control of herself and had no idea how to process any of what just happened.

She allowed herself to breech the surface. She kept her legs pressed together as it felt like she was...leaking.

Her eyes focused on the figure before her. His face was full of surprise and concern. "I...didn't...I didn't do anything to upset you...did I?"

She shook her head weakly, unable to keep his gaze.

He willed himself to get a grip. Making sure she was okay was more important than his libido. He could ignore how her wet hair clung to her face. Long silky strand trailing along her shoulders and chest. Beads of moisture pooling together and forming rivulets along her breasts. He could just forget how it felt to have her to close to him. The warmth and the friction of her soft skin against his scars.

He didn't realize she was trying to get his attention until it was too late. A wave of water splashed him in the face. His eyes becoming completely obscured by his shaggy bangs. "Shinpachi!" She yelled.

He blinked. Her face was inches from his again. He could taste her breath. Shaking the bangs out of his eyes as he faced her again. "Kayu, I--"

"I'm scared,"

"What?"

"I'm scared that you only want me because you're lonely." She stated, winding her arms around herself.

"Kayu--"

"But...I'm not...I'm not scared of you." She pressed her lips together. "I know that you would never try to hurt me."

He shook his head vigorously. She was too beautiful, too alluring.

A hand grabbed him, and he found himself moving towards the water with her. He pulled his fundoshi off as quickly as he could before he found her body again. His knees planted at the bottom of the wide tub, Kayu's legs wrapping around his torso. He pressed his face against her neck and began working his hands along her hips. She made a breathy sort of whimper when she realized that they weren't going to stop.

His index finger traced a straight line down from her navel. Peaking over the edge, drawing a line down her lips. His thumb back tracked and slipped between her folds.

She gasped, nervousness building up inside her. She tried not to squeak at the foreign new sensations, less her surprise dissuade him from continuing. She was not nearly as ignorant as what might be expected. One drunken night at Shiragi's teahouse had taught her all that her parents had kept hidden from her. She knew, and that's what made her want it from

Shinpachi even more. She wanted that singular intimacy with him no matter how fleeting.

She rotated her hips upward, allowing him a better angle. Her back pressed up agianst the wall of the pool, while he arched himself over her. He rested his head against her shoulder, his left hand gripping the edge behind her. His thumb remained positioned at her apex with his fingers wandering lower.

She gave another muffled moan against the skin of his neck, closing her lips to kiss along his hairline. Her right hand knotted itself in his hair. She didn't mind that it had grown considerably longer. In fact, she found that she quite liked it.

Shinpachi curled his index and middle fingers upward, coaxing her to mimic his movements, the motion of his thumb never stopping. She picked up her cues and adjusted her angle in his lap so that he could benefit as well. He grunted and moved his free hand to grip her shoulder. "Kayu..." He managed.

"Shinpachi--" She whimpered as the heat blossoming from his fingertips suddenly burst to consume her entire body. She threw her head back, hitting it painfully against the edge of the bath. Her cry of ecstasy became tinged with sudden pain. She bit her lip hard trying not to let him know.

"Kayu?" He asked between pants. He wasn't even close to finishing, but he fought to ignore that fact. "Are you okay? That sounded like it hurt..."

"I'm...fine...we can...continue..."

Shinpachi gave an exasperated sigh. "Not like this we can't." He wrapped one arm around her back and placed other underneath her thigh. He got to his feet and hoisted her out of the bath, setting her down near a pile of towels.

"Wait...--" She called out,

"Don' worry. Let's just get dried off so neither of us catch cold, okay?"

She nodded, drying herself off before she pulled her kosode back on. Only when she looked back at him did she remember that he was still wounded. While he wasn't bleeding, the old gashes still looked red and swollen. A rash of guilt swept through her.

She got to her feet, walking towards the door. She paused, thinking that he would follow her.

He saw her, and quickly looked away, busying himself with re-tying his obi. "Uh...you go on a head Kayu, I'll catch up."

She gazed at him a brief moment longer. She suspected that he needed to remain to...take care of something. Despite her desire to stay and...help, she nodded and gave him a short farewell. She knew that he would not stand for her staying any longer, especially after she had injured herself the way she did.

She slid the door closed and made a few steps, making it sound as if she were in fact walking down the hallway. In stead she placed her back against the wall, staying.

Perhaps it was somewhat voyeuristic of her, but...she wanted to know. Her suspicions were proved correct as she heard his breathing quicken and become heavier. She closed her eyes and concentrated on the sound. It was something that she wanted to hear. It didn't take long for his moans to hit their climax. His strained cry forming one disjointed word.

"Ka...yu..."

She sighed to herself, and made to stand up. Her foot caught on the edge of her robe causing her to stumble. She leaned heavily against the wall, suddenly starting to feel dizzy.

"KAYU!?" Dammit, she'd been caught.

She strained her head up to see him, his face positively crimson.

"Hello...Shinpachi..." Another wave of dizziness his her and she found herself falling. Her impact with the ground was only halted by his arms.

"Oi!! Kayu! Hey, answer me!" Her consciousness began to slip away again. He was so warm.

So...warm.


	17. Understanding

Her head was throbbing and her body felt heavy. After the pain, the second thing she noticed was the smell of food. Without bothering to change, she wandered to the kitchen and was greeted by Shinpachi. His kosode hung almost impossibly loose as always, the light of the dawn shining straight through the thin cotton.

"Woah...smells delicious."

"Everyone had to take turns cooking back at headquarters. After a while I figured out that if I wanted food with any sort of flavor, I'd have to make it myself." He said with a grin. "That Tanaka guy who works at your teahouse was a big help."

"Previously worked, you mean. He passed away this spring."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." He continued to stir the soup with a placid expression.

"You need me to help with anything?" She asked after a few moments,

"Huh?" He paused, clearly deep in thought a moment before. "Uhm, I suppose you could make the tea. I already started some water boiling."

"Alright."

When all was prepared, the two of them sat down at the table.

"Shinpachi..." Kayu said, covering her mouth briefly. "This food is delicious."

"If you say so." He smirked, taking a sip of tea. "I still prefer your cooking, honestly."

"Why? I only just learned a few years ago. I cook like an 8-year old girl."

He shrugged. "Somehow I don't really mind. Maybe it's...refreshing."

"Well. I like your cooking better."

"I guess that just means that we'll have just to take turns." He replied.

Kayu smiled softly to herself. Part of her wished that they never had to return to the city. She wished that they could just live here, and never have to deal with family lines or inheritances.

"By the way..." He began, "Where's that girl, I mean...your sister, Kiri. I expected to see her at least once."

Kayu paused, her face beginning to go pale. "Kiri...she..." Kayu bit her lip.

"What--oh no, did she--?"

"Oh no...she's fine I mean...There's just...a lot of things that I needed to tell you, regarding all of that." She put her teacup down. "We both have a lot of things to tell one another it seems." Shinpachi nodded. "Let's finish up here first, okay?"

After cleaning and clearing the tabled, they decided to sit on the porch overlooking the springs.

"So...what happened to Kiri?"

Kayu sighed. "She followed her heart I suppose. A path that lead her to ruin...as of now, I'm technically pretending to be her."

"What the hell did she do?" He said with a wry laugh. "Come on, it's not like she ran off with a kagema or became some old guy's mistress--" his laughter died in his throat as she shot him an exasperated glare.

"Everyone says you're an idiot, but really you're intelligent in the most annoying way."

He gave an awkward chuckle. "But seriously. Is she alright?"

"She seemed happy enough when I saw her a few weeks ago. But, I'm the last person she would confess her worries too. She'd never want to upset me,"

"Sounds like her."

Kayu nodded. "Now...for you. What happened with Heisuke."

Shinpachi swallowed hard. "Aw man...this is gonna be difficult." He furrowed his brows, choosing which parts to tell her.

"Officially, he's been declared dead, but there's a possibility that he's still alive. Last I knew, he escaped Toba-Fushimi with Chizuru to go after her father, I haven't heard anything beyond that."

"Oh..." There were still many questions, but she decided not to push him.

The cicadas chirped in the distance. Summer was soon to come, the warmth of spring giving way.

"Shinpachi..."

"Kayu..."

Having spoken at the same time, they looked at one another.

"Uhm..." Kayu continued. Shinpachi nodded. "You know..." She reached into her sleeve. "I still have that kaiken you gave me...and..." She clasped the sheathed blade in her hands, not meeting his eyes. "I'm sure you know, all the traditions surrounding samurai women and the gifting of kaiken..." She looked at him, his ears going red. "I hope you won't be mad...but, when Kiyohiko was harassing me, I...I told him and Yoshimasa...that you and I were engaged..."

His jaw dropped open. "You WHAT?!"

Kayu winced, waiting for his anger.

Instead, Shinpachi threw his hands to his head, yelling seemingly to the sky. "What the hell! What kinda creep he must think I am?! To propose to his daughter without even telling him about it?!"

Kayu blinked. "...that's what you're worried about? I wasn't even officially his daughter then....technically I'm still not..."

Shinpachi gave an exasperated groan. "I need to write him now and apologize! I need to speak with him as soon as possible!"

He got to his feet, nearly scrambling back inside."

"Shinpachi, wait!" Kayu got up to pursue him.

He stopped, turning back to her.

"Yeah? What is it?"

"You mean, you're not mad? That I said that without telling you?"

"Why the hell would I be mad?"

"So...that means..." She swallowed, her cheeks going pink. "You want to marry me?"  
Shinpachi seemed to choke suddenly, looking down and scratching the back of his neck. "Uh-- I mean--! Yeah...why wouldn't I?" He paused, glancing back at her. "Did you really think that I'd reject you?"

"N-no I--" before she could form her reply, he had put his arms around her, pulling her gently to his chest.

"Then there's nothing to say now, is there?"

She shook her head, resting her cheek against his sternum. "If that's true then...you really should contact Yoshimasa-dono as soon as possible.

He jerked suddenly, becoming frantic again. "Gah. You're right!" Without a second thought, he scurried back inside, and Kayu followed suit, a gentle smile on her lips.


	18. Moment

A few leagues north of the house lay an old abandoned shrine. Despite its age, it bore clear signs of being occupied in the not-so-distant past. The inside was kept clean enough to be an inn, there was even rice in the kitchen stores. Shinpachi had walked up the path alone, after having being told of it's existence earlier that day. Beholding the serene and melancholy beauty of the site was just what he needed to clear his mind before they departed. He had changed back into day clothes, a simple-pattered kimono with the collar of a lush green colour, and gold kosode visible underneath.  
Something about this place brought back old memories. Precisely the kind he had been struggling to forget for over a year now. If he let himself listen, he could hear distant laughter echoing in the back of his memories. They had passed through areas like this many times to and from Mibu and Kyoto. He and his old comrades, friends. The days when they had all been together. 

He could feel his throat tightening, and was just about to turn back when he head a sudden voice.  
  
"Long time no see. Nagakura-san if I am not mistaken." To utter surprise, a woman emerge red from behind the shrine. She was ornately adorned in the golds and greens of late summer. 

"Senhime-san..." He said, his mouth hanging open.   
  
"I am glad that you remembered." The young woman said with a smile. "However, you don't seem exactly pleased to see me."  
  
"Nah, it's nothing about you...but..." he scowled, changing the subject. "Anyway, why are you here?"  
  
"I should be the one asking you, I think." She said with a wry smile. "You could be trespassing were I in a fowler mood,"  
  
He furrowed his brow at her.   
  
"This shrine was built by my ancestors long ago. I still use from time to time if I have the need."  
  
"Oh..."  
  
"But, I have come with a message for you. To think that I would meet you here..."  
  
He swallowed, his mind racing at what she could possibly have tell him. The vain hope in his heart was that, as the last time, it concerned Chizuru. But this time, far happier news.   
  
She reached into her kimono, taking out a folded letter. "This is for you."   
  
He took the letting into his hands, fighting to keep his hands from trembling. His eyes passed over the familiar characters. He had to reading it several times before his heart could believe it.   
  
"From...Heisuke, and...Chizuru-chan?" His voice finally broke on the last word. "Are they--are they alive?"  
  
"Yes." Sen replied. "They are alive and very well."   
  
He blinked furiously, sniffing to keep the tears at bay. "You....you better not be pulling my leg..." He said with broken humour.  
  
Sen gave a gentle laugh before speaking again, "Well, I have performed my part." She bowed in farewell. Turning back one last time. "Just so you know, this Shine is open to you, and any guest of yours. It would do well to have more use."  
  
"Thank you." He bowed, watching her disappear into the forest as suddenly as she had appeared.   
  
He opened the letter with trembling fingers. Fighting to get through each word.

  
_Nagakura-sama._  
  
_This is Yukimura Chizuru writing. I hope you are doing well. We are here in the mountains in the old Yukimura village. The weather is always pleasant and clear. The spring water is very pure. So pure that it has been helping Heisuke greatly with his condition._   
_I am terribly sorry that we could not contact you sooner. Even now, I do not know if or when this letter will reach you. I pray every day that it will. I can imagine how terrible it must be to not know if your loved ones are even alive._   
_Enclosed I have written instructions on how to come here. Heisuke and I truly hope that you will come as soon as you can. If Kayu-san is with you, she is more than welcome._   
_Sincerely,_   
_Yukimura Chizuru_

永倉新八様、  
この手紙を書いていた人は雪村千鶴でございます。お元気ですか？私たちは、山で昔の雪村の里におります。天気はいつも良くて、晴れなんです。この場所の湧水もとても清いです。その清純のおかげで、平助君の病気は治れます。  
早く連絡してあげられるなくて、申し訳ありませんでした。今でも、この手紙は永倉さんへいつ届けるか知れません。毎日そのために祈っております。大事な人は生きているかどうかしていない感じが、とてみ苦しいですね。  
この中に、雪村の里へ行き方を書いてあります。私と平助君は本当にできたら速くここに来てほしいです。おかゆさんも一緒にいらしゃったら、一緒に来て方がよろしいです。  
雪村千鶴より

Large bulbous tears dripped down his face, smudging a few of the ink characters. He wiped his face furiously, even though it was almost certain that he was alone.  
  
"Shinpachi!" As always her timing was impeccable. He thought that he would be prepared when he turned around. After so much time with her, her beauty wasn't supposed to affect him so much, and yet.  
  
She was just cresting the hill below him. The setting sun behind the trees framed her perfectly. Her hair was let down, and her kimono simple. He could not think of any words, he simply stared at her.  
  
"You alright?" Her eyes were round with the smallest hint of concern. He placed a hand on her cheek as soon as she was close enough.  
  
"Yeah," he said, his eyes growing warm. "I'm sorry it got so late, I meant to come back for dinner."  
  
"It's alright." She said, placing a hand to cover his. She gave a contented sigh. "I knew you just wanted to take a little walk, but I couldn't help but be a little worried."  
  
He chuckled. "I know, what would I do without you?"  
  
She gave a slightly nervous chuckle, her eyes darting away.  
  
He didn't want to hold back anymore, and she hoped that she wouldn't be upset.  
  
"I'm going to pick you up." He crouched, looking to her for approval.  
  
"O...kay?" She blinked at him before he took her into his arms. It was by no means something she disapproved of, it only seemed a little sudden.  
  
He carried her the rest of the way to the shrine, the lanterns still lit from Sen's arrival.  
  
He placed her down on a mat, positioning himself over her. "Shinpachi?"  
  
He didn't look at her at first, his bangs obscuring his eyes. "You know I'm no good with words..." He said somewhat suddenly. "But...I really, I really just want to show you, how much...how much I--"  
  
Kayu smiled and placed a hand on the back of his head. "It's alright Shinpachi. I understand." He let himself fall the rest of the way to meet her lips. Determined to learn from their mistakes, he began by loosening her collar, and placing his lips against her collarbone. He worked his may down, kissing the tender flesh as her clothes began to fall away.   
  
To even the odds, she abruptly reached below his kimono, tugging his fundoshi loose with a few deft movements. "I want...to finish what we started." She whispered against his earlobe. She could feel his entire body quiver as he pressed her further into the tatami. She parted her legs to let him even closer, his lips finding hers again in long gasping bursts of contact.   
  
With how close they were, there was no hiding from one another, Shinpachi's movements were becoming steadily stronger as the desire built between them once again. He pressed his face against her neck, his hand trailing down her leg to her inner thigh. She let out a sigh, knotting a hand in his hair almost in anticipation.  
A thought occurred to her, she didn't want things to end the same as last time. Shinpachi was too considerate, she knew that she would have to take things into her own hands.  
The noise he made was beyond delightful. A surprised squeak that almost instantly changed into a deep moan. His voice sent such delightful vibrations through her each time her hand moved. Her fingers glanced his shaft, circling the head and stroking the length.   
  
"Ka--Kayu--" he moaned, a desperate plea for her to never stop.   
  
She crossed her ankles at his lower back, pulling him closer and guiding him in.   
  
He had almost completely lost himself until he reached her entrance.  
  
"Wait," he said gruffly, "are you sure?" His voice almost broken. "It might....it might hurt." The mere idea of even possibly hurting her was enough to keep his desires at bay. That fact alone was enough for her.  
  
She thrust her hips upward, and that was all he needed.   
  
There was no holding back. He loved her so much, he wanted her.  
  
She grimaced, honestly expecting the worst. It began as an uncomfortable stretching sensation, that soon dissolved into pure closeness.  
  
He let out a grunt, and pressed his chest against hers, letting her name out in a strained whisper. Her ankles crossed at his lower back, and he propped himself on his elbow. His breathing was heavy in her ear, but it was clear that he was trying to say something. She squeezed her eyes shut and thrust her hips further upward, allowing him all the way in.   
  
HIs words dissolved into a gasp, and he managed to force out a single final word.  
  
"Kayu..."

●●●

When Kayu awoke, they were back in the cottage. Shinpachi must have carried her back after...  
  
She looked up at his face, seeing that he too was awake.  
  
The longer she looked at him, the clearer it became that he had something he wanted to say.  
  
"Just spit it out already."  
  
He blinked and stumbled a bit, clearly still not aware of how completely and utterly obvious his intentions were.   
  
He cleared his throat, his ears gaining a tint of red. "So...uh...that was your first time, right?"  
  
"Well uh....that might not exactly be accurate...?"  
  
"Eh?" He blinked in surprise.  
  
"Well uh..." she said with a grimace... "Uh...okay..." she paused pondering. "Okay, okay..." She took a small breath. "You...you remember me mentioning my sister's   
'boyfriend' Shiragi right?"  
  
"Uh...huh...." He said, squinting his eyes suspiciously. "Isn't he a...uhm...y'know..."  
  
"Kagema, yes. Well, ex-kagema technically."  
  
He choked suddenly. "Oh, that's, that's right." He nodded. "Wait where is this going."  
  
"Weeellllll..." She began again, "y'know...you were gone for two years."  
  
"I don't like where this is going."  
  
"And...um..." She trailed, off, nodding her head in a vague manner, not meeting his eyes.  
  
"Wait, you bought a kagema?!"  
  
"...I'm not sure if bought is the right word..."  
  
He stared at her, utterly flabbergasted.   
  
"Hey, it's not like I was replacing you or anything." Shinpachi seemed to have completely lost the ability to speak. Trying desperately to comprehend what he was hearing. "It was more like...Shiragi-san...since he knew that I wanted to get married..." She paused. "He wanted to make sure that I...wouldn't get mistreated. So he...taught me."  
  
Shinpachi shook his head. "But wait, don't kagema usually service guys who are into..."  
  
"They service women too!" She said. "I mean come on, it's not like this was your first time either..."  
  
"Well..." he scratched the back of his head, "technically it kinda was..."  
  
"Wait, what?!"  
  
"Well, my first successful time."  
  
 "What--Oh wait that doesn't actually surprise me..."  
  
"What is that supposed to mean?"  
  
"...nothing."  
  
He groaned irritably and she laughed.   
  
"Don't laugh..."  
  
She continued to giggle, snuggling up against his chest. He grunted again and put his arm around her, resting his chin on her head.  
  
"Y'know..." he began, "I'm not...mad," he grimaced.  
  
"You just wished that I had told you?"  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
"Well, you didn't tell me about your first time either."  
  
"...fair point." He muttered into her hair.  
  
"But Shinpachi..."  
  
"...'mm?"  
  
"You're the one that...that I..." she swallowed. "...that I want to spend the rest of my life with."  
  
He nodded, pulling her closer.   
  
"So, nothing else should matter, right?"  
  
"Right." The final note of his voice fell softly against her ear.   
  
She closed her eyes and focused only on the feeling of his body so close to her. "I love you..." She whispered so low she was sure he didn't hear. "Shinpachi."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!  
> If you're interested, I actually offer fanfiction commissions! Information linked here! http://bit.ly/2qluxK7.  
>  Or if you would simply like to support my writing you can pledge on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/abyssia  
> Thank you!


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